It can be tempting to say yes to things you just don’t want to do. While we are all eager to see our friends and family again, we know that attending social gatherings isn’t the best idea. Saying no isn’t always easy, but it is often necessary, especially now when setting boundaries and observing social-distancing is crucial. Jefferson Center’s Colorado Spirit team has some tips to say “no” gracefully while also respecting the host’s invitation.

REPLY SOONER RATHER THAN LATER

Once you’ve decided that you won’t be attending, let the host know as soon as possible so that they can plan accordingly.

EXPRESS YOUR APPRECIATION

Try expressing your appreciation for the invite first, then give a brief explanation followed by your decision. This is a great way to soften the blow and show your gratitude.

DON’T FEEL OBLIGATED TO PROVIDE A LENGTHY EXPLANATION

Avoid going into too much detail about why you aren’t attending. Not only are you not obligated to give a detailed explanation, but not everybody sees eye-to-eye about the pandemic. Oversharing could cause tension or come across like you are suggesting that the host isn’t following guidelines.

KEEP IT POSITIVE

Mention that you look forward to seeing the host in the near future or attending another event. There is no reason for you to dwell on the negative, and neither should they!

OFFER AN ALTERNATIVE IDEA FOR OTHER WAYS TO CONNECT

If you’re not comfortable engaging in one kind of social interaction, but you may be open to something else, let the host know (a separate smaller interaction, meeting briefly outdoors with masks on, participating in a Zoom call, etc.)

SEND SOMETHING

If you would typically bring a gift, dish, or a beverage to the host or the event, go ahead and still send something or drop something off as a nice gesture.

Finding the right words can be especially hard. Try something short and simple like this:

“It’s great to hear from you! I miss seeing you, but I’m avoiding in-person gatherings due to COVID-19 right now. How about we plan a virtual hangout soon? I definitely miss hanging out with you!”

“I appreciate this invitation. I’m not going to be able to join you all but I’m looking forward to a time when we can get together again.”

“Thank you for inviting me but I’ve decided its best for me to decline. I would love to plan a way to connect that we are both comfortable with in the near future.”

“I’m really grateful for this invitation, but I’m going to spend some time by myself this evening. I hope you understand!”

“It’s great to hear from you! I miss seeing you, but I’m avoiding in-person gatherings due to COVID-19 right now. How about we plan a virtual hangout soon? I definitely miss hanging out with you!”

You can also try adding something like:

 “I would be happy to still send a bottle of wine for you and your guests to share. What’s your address?”

“I would love to send you and your family a card. It should be arriving here soon!”

“I’ll go ahead and still make the dish I usually bring and drop it off for you and your guests to enjoy. When is best to drop it off on your porch?”

Ultimately, you don’t have to have an alternative plan or offer an explanation, but it is worthwhile to remain grateful and express yourself kindly.

Remember, Jefferson Center’s Colorado Spirit team is here for you. Offering free and confidential support around COVID-19, we can help you with counseling tips and strategies to cope successfully and referrals to additional mental health resources. Call us if you need to talk at 720-731-4689.

If you or someone you know is in a crisis, please call 1-844-493-8255 or visit our 24/7 crisis walk-in center at 4643 Wadsworth Blvd, Wheat Ridge, CO 80033.