WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:08.090 Julia: Thank you for joining us for How to Support Your Kids 00:00:08.090 --> 00:00:09.879 as They Begin the 2020 21 00:00:09.930 --> 00:00:10.709 Julia: School Year. 00:00:11.250 --> 00:00:14.100 It's time for back to school, and this year is going to be looking 00:00:14.100 --> 00:00:16.290 much different than other years. 00:00:16.599 --> 00:00:21.909 Virtual in-person and hybrid school models are all in play as schools kickoff and 00:00:21.939 --> 00:00:26.140 parents, students, and school districts are all needing to be flexible to adapt 00:00:26.140 --> 00:00:28.689 to the changing COVID-19 circumstances. 00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:32.519 With so much uncertainty surrounding the start of school, it's important to 00:00:32.519 --> 00:00:35.610 support your kids and help them build resilience during these challenging 00:00:35.610 --> 00:00:37.560 times no matter what comes their way. 00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:41.940 Today we're going to be talking about practical tips and tools to provide social 00:00:41.940 --> 00:00:46.530 and emotional support to your child as they transition into this new school year. 00:00:47.095 --> 00:00:50.605 Also after the webinar, we'll have clinicians available to talk to you 00:00:50.605 --> 00:00:54.894 one-on-one, to listen, lend, support, and offer additional resources. 00:00:55.194 --> 00:00:58.405 If you're interested in talking with someone, please send us a message, 00:00:58.625 --> 00:01:00.755 through the chat to Jefferson Center. 00:01:02.045 --> 00:01:04.625 I'm pleased to announce today's speaker, Amy Cobb. 00:01:04.865 --> 00:01:08.765 Amy is on our early childhood family services team here at Jefferson Center, 00:01:09.005 --> 00:01:12.695 and she works primarily with families to help provide mental health support 00:01:12.695 --> 00:01:14.435 to young children and their parents. 00:01:15.185 --> 00:01:18.634 Before I hand the mic over to Amy, I do have a few housekeeping items 00:01:18.634 --> 00:01:20.285 to cover about the presentation. 00:01:20.674 --> 00:01:24.544 First, this webinar will be available on demand after the live session, and 00:01:24.544 --> 00:01:28.475 we'll email that out to you along with additional resources and the slide deck. 00:01:29.195 --> 00:01:33.305 I would also encourage you to visit our website at jcmh.org, where you'll 00:01:33.305 --> 00:01:36.574 find more information about how to get started if you're interested in talking 00:01:36.574 --> 00:01:40.775 with a therapist, as well as blog posts and information about upcoming 00:01:40.775 --> 00:01:43.234 webinars and other mental health topics. 00:01:44.509 --> 00:01:47.240 Please keep your microphones muted and turn off your video during the 00:01:47.240 --> 00:01:50.840 presentation, and you'll also want to change your zoom view to speaker 00:01:50.840 --> 00:01:52.490 mode for the best viewing experience. 00:01:53.795 --> 00:01:56.945 Next, we'd love to hear from you during today's presentation. 00:01:57.135 --> 00:01:59.295 I think Amy's going to be asking some questions and there 00:01:59.295 --> 00:02:02.175 will be some interactions that you can respond in the chat. 00:02:02.535 --> 00:02:06.915 And if you have a question for Amy, please feel free to send it through the chat 00:02:06.915 --> 00:02:08.475 as well at the bottom of your player. 00:02:08.805 --> 00:02:11.955 We'll be answering questions at the end of the session and if we don't get to 00:02:11.955 --> 00:02:15.585 your question during today's webinar, we'll be sure to follow up afterwards. 00:02:16.465 --> 00:02:19.885 Last we'd like to encourage you to follow us on our social networks and share 00:02:19.885 --> 00:02:23.545 the recording of this webinar and other information about Jefferson Center. 00:02:24.005 --> 00:02:26.885 So without further ado, Amy, I'll turn it over to you. 00:02:28.055 --> 00:02:29.225 Amy Cobb: Thank you so much. 00:02:29.225 --> 00:02:30.335 I really appreciate it. 00:02:30.365 --> 00:02:34.895 It's great to be here today and as I'm sure you guys can all imagine, we 00:02:34.895 --> 00:02:41.555 have spent a lot of time working with families all summer, preparing for 00:02:41.555 --> 00:02:46.445 this upcoming school year and it is going to be a little bit different. 00:02:46.445 --> 00:02:51.264 I'm going to go ahead and share my screen and we're walk through a PowerPoint 00:02:51.264 --> 00:02:53.514 with some key concepts and some ideas. 00:02:53.564 --> 00:02:56.845 As she mentioned at the beginning, we're going to also hopefully 00:02:56.845 --> 00:02:57.835 have this a little interactive. 00:02:57.835 --> 00:03:00.835 So I'd love to hear from you guys 'cause you guys are on the front line. 00:03:00.835 --> 00:03:04.765 You know your children the best, you know what the struggles are, and I want 00:03:04.765 --> 00:03:07.825 to make sure that you're able to get the information that you're looking for today. 00:03:08.345 --> 00:03:10.894 Without further ado, how to support your kids as they begin 00:03:10.894 --> 00:03:12.755 this upcoming school year. 00:03:13.214 --> 00:03:20.044 I was laughing because it's like lions and tigers and bears oh my, it's in 00:03:20.044 --> 00:03:21.994 person, hybrid or distance learning. 00:03:22.584 --> 00:03:25.814 I would say one of the biggest conversations I have is what is 00:03:25.814 --> 00:03:27.284 the right thing for my child? 00:03:27.314 --> 00:03:31.634 And I have consistently said, I don't know that there's a right or wrong answer 00:03:31.634 --> 00:03:34.364 to moving forward into the school year. 00:03:34.364 --> 00:03:39.164 I think each family is going to have to look at their values and what works 00:03:39.164 --> 00:03:41.204 best for them and make those decisions. 00:03:41.254 --> 00:03:46.439 I think also we're going to have to really be flexible because who 00:03:46.439 --> 00:03:49.669 knows if the whole program is going to change throughout the year. 00:03:49.669 --> 00:03:55.709 So there's a lot of opportunities for growth and learning. 00:03:55.759 --> 00:04:00.584 Not only in ourselves, I think as parents, but also for us to 00:04:00.584 --> 00:04:02.444 model and teach to our kids. 00:04:02.754 --> 00:04:04.584 We're going to talk a lot about that today. 00:04:04.724 --> 00:04:08.574 We're going to talk, unfortunately, a lot about how we're handling all of 00:04:08.574 --> 00:04:11.094 this and what that means for our kiddos. 00:04:11.474 --> 00:04:15.194 Our learning objectives today is we're going to talk about what 00:04:15.194 --> 00:04:17.144 does stress look like in children. 00:04:17.444 --> 00:04:20.804 Sometimes I think it looks a little different in children than it does 00:04:20.854 --> 00:04:24.994 in adults, but then you'll also see that there's a lot that overlaps. 00:04:25.444 --> 00:04:32.614 What is resilience and how do we help nurture that skill in children, and 00:04:32.614 --> 00:04:34.744 how do we nurture that for ourselves. 00:04:35.114 --> 00:04:39.254 Then practical ways to help your child build resilience and adapt to change. 00:04:39.534 --> 00:04:42.954 Then know that you are absolutely not alone in navigating this 00:04:43.014 --> 00:04:46.074 uncertain school year that it's going to be all hands on deck. 00:04:46.544 --> 00:04:49.754 It's going to be important to reach out and do exactly what you're 00:04:49.754 --> 00:04:54.404 doing today, which is looking for information and resources and support 00:04:54.464 --> 00:04:56.824 around this upcoming school year. 00:04:56.944 --> 00:04:58.924 So thank you for joining us. 00:05:00.134 --> 00:05:03.694 What I'd like to do is if you guys have some thoughts, I would love to 00:05:03.694 --> 00:05:06.064 hear what is going to be different? 00:05:06.064 --> 00:05:08.434 And obviously we can kind of laugh about that. 00:05:08.434 --> 00:05:11.824 'cause I think that the bottom line is everything's going to be different. 00:05:11.884 --> 00:05:12.214 Right. 00:05:12.554 --> 00:05:15.554 But let's really name it and let's know it and let's own it. 00:05:16.034 --> 00:05:20.544 Because I think there's a lot of things that we're still unsure about and I 00:05:20.544 --> 00:05:24.194 know that we know physically, what's going to be different about it, but 00:05:24.244 --> 00:05:27.214 how is the school year going to be different mentally and emotionally? 00:05:27.214 --> 00:05:29.614 What does that mean for you guys as parents? 00:05:29.974 --> 00:05:32.914 And then also what do you think that means for your children? 00:05:33.334 --> 00:05:35.314 So I'd like to take just a couple of minutes. 00:05:35.344 --> 00:05:38.854 If you feel more comfortable throwing it in the chat, you can do that. 00:05:39.274 --> 00:05:43.514 If you would like to just unmute and just say something, I'd love that. 00:05:43.514 --> 00:05:45.304 Just as a jumping off point. 00:05:45.844 --> 00:05:47.224 Does someone want to share? 00:05:49.733 --> 00:05:50.828 It is quiet. 00:05:51.458 --> 00:05:54.928 Okay let's really just talk about this for, so for children 00:05:55.168 --> 00:05:57.598 physically, what's going to be different about the school year? 00:05:57.658 --> 00:06:01.318 Obviously they're going to be at home or they're going to be doing a hybrid. 00:06:01.718 --> 00:06:04.228 They're not going to be able to see their friends as much. 00:06:04.798 --> 00:06:09.033 They're going to be spending more time with you or with another caregiver. 00:06:09.343 --> 00:06:15.703 So literally, physically where they are is going to be con considerably different. 00:06:16.243 --> 00:06:22.453 I think we know at least I know that when things aren't my normal, it 00:06:22.453 --> 00:06:27.048 definitely makes me feel uncomfortable because it's adjusting to something new. 00:06:27.778 --> 00:06:34.453 Then how does that translate into mentally what is different for your kids? 00:06:34.773 --> 00:06:38.643 Are they going to have the structure in place to be able to focus? 00:06:39.093 --> 00:06:44.373 Will they know that from this time to this time, they're going to have to 00:06:44.373 --> 00:06:51.358 focus on a certain study and if not, how does that affect them mentally? 00:06:51.358 --> 00:06:56.518 How does that lack of structure create an imbalance. 00:06:56.518 --> 00:06:58.948 It doesn't allow them to have that structure so that they 00:06:58.948 --> 00:07:00.058 know what they can count on. 00:07:00.368 --> 00:07:03.448 That's one of the reasons why we do schedules and so forth for children, 00:07:03.448 --> 00:07:07.018 because it's really important for kids to know what to expect. 00:07:07.018 --> 00:07:13.938 So mentally they know what to expect, and then emotionally how does not 00:07:13.938 --> 00:07:18.078 having those connections and not having that same time with their friends? 00:07:18.438 --> 00:07:23.308 And then also just being outside and having recess or if you're a child 00:07:23.308 --> 00:07:27.953 is an older school age and they have breaks during the day and they've 00:07:27.953 --> 00:07:31.463 got longer lunches or they've got an off period or something like that. 00:07:31.793 --> 00:07:35.963 Those are all really healthy times for them to decompress and to take 00:07:35.963 --> 00:07:37.463 care of themselves emotionally. 00:07:37.513 --> 00:07:39.823 So what does that look like for kids? 00:07:40.343 --> 00:07:44.903 Then on the flip side, how does that look for you guys as parents? 00:07:44.963 --> 00:07:51.333 How are you able to physically distance yourself from not only 00:07:51.333 --> 00:07:56.583 work, but also from the homeschool situation or the hybrid situation. 00:07:56.923 --> 00:07:59.863 Then mentally, what are you guys doing to take care of 00:07:59.863 --> 00:08:02.563 yourself and how does that look? 00:08:02.563 --> 00:08:06.578 I know for me personally, when we're doing Zoom all day long. 00:08:07.278 --> 00:08:10.218 How does that effect my mental health and as I said at the 00:08:10.218 --> 00:08:11.958 beginning, how do we name this? 00:08:12.318 --> 00:08:14.298 How do we know it and how do we own it? 00:08:14.658 --> 00:08:19.043 How do we really be mindful about the differences that the 00:08:19.043 --> 00:08:20.723 school year is going to present. 00:08:21.303 --> 00:08:24.753 Then emotionally, what am I doing to take care of my mental health. 00:08:25.053 --> 00:08:30.163 How am I doing things to take care of myself that translates into 00:08:30.163 --> 00:08:31.993 me feeling better emotionally. 00:08:32.323 --> 00:08:36.913 So really just taking stock of this school year and what it is, how it's 00:08:36.913 --> 00:08:41.113 going to look different, and that's what I'd really like you guys to think about 00:08:41.113 --> 00:08:42.583 today as we're moving through this. 00:08:43.088 --> 00:08:47.108 Let's go on to the next slide, which is, what is stress? 00:08:47.408 --> 00:08:52.628 And oh my goodness, when I was looking through all these pictures and trying to 00:08:52.848 --> 00:08:58.418 get a visual and boy this really says it. 00:08:58.488 --> 00:09:02.178 I think that there's a lot of physical pieces to stress. 00:09:02.608 --> 00:09:06.298 You see this woman up at the top where she's literally hugging herself. 00:09:06.728 --> 00:09:11.788 You see people holding their heads because there's just so much that 00:09:11.788 --> 00:09:17.198 they're trying to wrap their arms around and maybe even wrap their head around. 00:09:17.298 --> 00:09:21.348 What I also did is I looked at what is the definition of stress? 00:09:21.398 --> 00:09:25.658 Stress is experiencing something new or unexpected in your life. 00:09:26.198 --> 00:09:31.418 This new thing may threaten your safety, and it could be your emotional safety too. 00:09:31.778 --> 00:09:39.738 I think of children not having the structure of school and not having those 00:09:39.798 --> 00:09:45.468 emotional or those connections that they have either with a teacher or with 00:09:45.468 --> 00:09:52.608 a friend group, or gosh, or even just an activity that really fills them up. 00:09:53.008 --> 00:09:57.208 Maybe they really, really enjoy that art class or that music class 00:09:57.268 --> 00:10:01.648 or maybe it's gym class, maybe it's something that they really excel in. 00:10:01.898 --> 00:10:05.758 It may not physically threaten their safety, but it shifts their 00:10:05.758 --> 00:10:08.768 ability to have little control over. 00:10:09.128 --> 00:10:14.073 And boy, if the pandemic has not brought that to light that we have 00:10:14.073 --> 00:10:18.593 so little control over what our day-to-day is and what tomorrow 00:10:18.593 --> 00:10:19.763 is really going to look like. 00:10:20.123 --> 00:10:21.263 That is stress. 00:10:21.533 --> 00:10:24.833 We also have to realize that this change can be both positive or negative. 00:10:25.223 --> 00:10:27.773 There can be wonderful, joyous things. 00:10:28.023 --> 00:10:29.493 That also causes stress. 00:10:29.523 --> 00:10:36.193 Like bringing a new baby into the home or a marriage or buying a new house. 00:10:36.193 --> 00:10:38.833 All of those things are really exciting and positive things, 00:10:38.863 --> 00:10:40.573 but they can also cause stress. 00:10:41.003 --> 00:10:41.933 We're creatures of habit. 00:10:41.963 --> 00:10:43.043 We like normal. 00:10:43.073 --> 00:10:46.193 So when life gets off track it can cause stress. 00:10:46.723 --> 00:10:47.968 So what do we do about that? 00:10:47.998 --> 00:10:50.038 How do we work through our stress? 00:10:50.408 --> 00:10:55.893 For children oftentimes stress looks a little different in children. 00:10:56.233 --> 00:10:59.263 Sometimes there's a lot of crying. 00:10:59.843 --> 00:11:05.623 Maybe a lot of defiance or maybe even wanting things just so. 00:11:05.963 --> 00:11:09.093 I find that a lot in the children and the families that I work with. 00:11:09.383 --> 00:11:14.023 It seems like they're trying to hyper focus on things that they 00:11:14.023 --> 00:11:18.943 can control because a lot of their day-to-day is out of control. 00:11:19.573 --> 00:11:22.093 You might also see some sleeping problems. 00:11:22.143 --> 00:11:24.693 You might see more anger or aggression. 00:11:25.243 --> 00:11:29.108 With anger and aggression, what we want to look at is this stemming out of 00:11:29.198 --> 00:11:31.598 maybe feeling like that lack of control. 00:11:31.998 --> 00:11:35.988 They might even also have a reduced frustration tolerance, which means 00:11:35.988 --> 00:11:40.908 that they could just be playing and they may throw a toy and feel 00:11:40.908 --> 00:11:44.538 very hopeless and say, I can't do it, and I don't want to do it and 00:11:44.928 --> 00:11:47.148 stomp their feet and have a tantrum. 00:11:47.658 --> 00:11:50.328 That could all be related to stress. 00:11:51.028 --> 00:11:55.173 Then on the other side, for adolescents and adults, oftentimes 00:11:55.173 --> 00:11:56.733 we've got physical ailments. 00:11:56.733 --> 00:11:59.223 When you're under stress, you have headaches or stomach 00:11:59.223 --> 00:12:01.813 aches, or you may just be tired. 00:12:01.913 --> 00:12:03.143 You may shut down. 00:12:03.273 --> 00:12:06.093 You may withdraw from people and activities and things that 00:12:06.093 --> 00:12:09.123 you enjoy doing because it just feels like it's too much work. 00:12:09.793 --> 00:12:14.143 You may have some changes in sleeping and eating or difficulty concentrating. 00:12:14.423 --> 00:12:17.363 One of the reasons why I wanted to make sure we put that in there, is 00:12:17.363 --> 00:12:22.303 that for older children that are having to focus online or even navigate 00:12:22.303 --> 00:12:26.863 a new hybrid situation, it may be difficult for them to concentrate and 00:12:26.863 --> 00:12:28.483 it could be because of the stress. 00:12:28.843 --> 00:12:30.433 What can we do about that? 00:12:30.583 --> 00:12:35.023 What can we do as their caregivers and the people they're looking up to. 00:12:35.023 --> 00:12:38.473 How do we navigate this very uncertain school year? 00:12:38.983 --> 00:12:42.883 That's when it comes to us as parents to really look at that. 00:12:43.638 --> 00:12:47.178 One of the things that we have found, and I know that we talked about this 00:12:47.178 --> 00:12:51.938 in the introduction, is that the best antidote to stress is resilience. 00:12:52.458 --> 00:12:56.318 It's the ability to bounce back when things don't go the way you planned. 00:12:56.898 --> 00:13:00.388 One of the things I want to talk about today is how do we learn resilience? 00:13:00.748 --> 00:13:03.538 In the next slide, what we're going to do is we're going to talk about 00:13:03.588 --> 00:13:05.688 characteristics of resilient people. 00:13:06.348 --> 00:13:12.648 What I'd like you to do is think about yourself and what are some of the 00:13:12.648 --> 00:13:17.568 characteristics that you bring to the table as being a resilient person. 00:13:18.198 --> 00:13:19.968 I would say that we're all resilient. 00:13:20.028 --> 00:13:21.948 We all have this ability. 00:13:22.863 --> 00:13:28.543 It is definitely a skill that needs to be nurtured particularly in children. 00:13:28.943 --> 00:13:33.993 If you think about what resilience is, going back to the previous slide here, 00:13:33.993 --> 00:13:37.383 is the ability to bounce back when things don't go the way you planned. 00:13:37.893 --> 00:13:40.803 Boy, children are just the epitome. 00:13:40.803 --> 00:13:46.453 They are so persistent and so resilient, and they can have that 00:13:46.883 --> 00:13:49.353 set of skills to be resilient. 00:13:50.433 --> 00:13:55.503 But how do we nurture that in our kiddos and how do we work together? 00:13:55.613 --> 00:13:59.233 Some of the things that I think are really important that through the research 00:13:59.233 --> 00:14:04.873 that I've done is when parents have realistic and attainable expectations. 00:14:06.713 --> 00:14:10.913 What does that look for us in a new school year? 00:14:11.033 --> 00:14:14.663 I don't think it's realistic and attainable to think that our children 00:14:14.663 --> 00:14:17.813 are going to sit in their seat all day long and they're going to have the 00:14:17.813 --> 00:14:21.983 same academic experience that they're going to have if they go to school. 00:14:21.993 --> 00:14:28.858 So how do we as parents walk that line of, this is what I expect and 00:14:28.918 --> 00:14:31.618 is that a realistic expectation? 00:14:31.858 --> 00:14:33.568 Can my child attain that? 00:14:34.438 --> 00:14:39.528 And if we're having problems attaining those expectations, 00:14:39.528 --> 00:14:42.408 then I think that we're going to have to be able to be flexible 00:14:42.768 --> 00:14:45.468 and reevaluate those expectations. 00:14:45.498 --> 00:14:50.428 Because if they're not meeting them and every day is a battle, then all 00:14:50.428 --> 00:14:54.888 that's going to do is give us a downward spiral and it's not going to give us the 00:14:54.888 --> 00:14:57.378 ability to be persistent and determined. 00:14:57.768 --> 00:15:00.888 So one of the things I did is I looked up is what is the definition 00:15:00.888 --> 00:15:02.598 of persistent and determined. 00:15:02.928 --> 00:15:09.448 Persistent is continuing in spite of difficulty and determined is actually the 00:15:09.448 --> 00:15:12.448 act of coming to a decision or a solution. 00:15:12.778 --> 00:15:17.098 So it's not actually getting there, it's how do we get there. 00:15:17.588 --> 00:15:24.173 And as you guys all know, children are extremely persistent and determined 00:15:24.203 --> 00:15:25.853 in getting things that they want. 00:15:26.403 --> 00:15:31.083 So how do we translate that into the school year and how do we translate 00:15:31.083 --> 00:15:38.103 that into classwork and trying different things and navigating this new hybrid 00:15:38.103 --> 00:15:40.323 situation or a new distance learning. 00:15:41.033 --> 00:15:44.933 Really what that does is that comes back again to us as parents. 00:15:45.233 --> 00:15:47.783 How do we navigate all of this? 00:15:47.813 --> 00:15:50.183 Are we persistent and are we determined? 00:15:50.363 --> 00:15:53.603 Do we have realistic expectations? 00:15:53.993 --> 00:15:56.123 Do we have good problem solving skills? 00:15:56.203 --> 00:16:01.273 Are we throwing up our hands when we get frustrated because, gosh, I know 00:16:01.303 --> 00:16:05.423 I've spoken with so many parents that particularly in the spring the whole 00:16:05.423 --> 00:16:09.963 online learning thing was not very smooth and it was not streamlined. 00:16:10.423 --> 00:16:14.323 Hopefully some of those things have gotten worked out. 00:16:14.323 --> 00:16:18.883 So how do we continue to push forward and how do we continue to 00:16:18.883 --> 00:16:21.133 be determined to find that solution? 00:16:21.613 --> 00:16:25.893 How do we work through the problem with a good mindset of, all right, 00:16:25.943 --> 00:16:26.993 we're going to work on it together. 00:16:27.843 --> 00:16:32.403 Another characteristic is people that are empathetic and good communicators. 00:16:33.778 --> 00:16:37.858 I think the empathy piece is going to be huge this entire year. 00:16:37.858 --> 00:16:42.688 I have such a heart for parents because I realize that we're asking them to 00:16:42.688 --> 00:16:47.248 consistently be empathetic to their little ones and about what they're going through. 00:16:47.298 --> 00:16:50.908 When I say little ones it can be all the way up to 18 years old. 00:16:51.248 --> 00:16:54.818 To be empathetic about the changes that they're having to 00:16:54.818 --> 00:17:00.658 navigate . Then I always wonder who's being empathetic for the parents. 00:17:00.878 --> 00:17:05.318 That's one of the things that I have been able to do throughout this pandemic 00:17:05.318 --> 00:17:09.958 is work with family support and work with families and hopefully be that 00:17:09.958 --> 00:17:15.633 listening ear and helping them be a good problem solver and help them 00:17:16.033 --> 00:17:20.093 focus on what's important and how can we continue to work through this. 00:17:20.093 --> 00:17:22.463 Be determined as we work through this pandemic. 00:17:22.863 --> 00:17:26.283 Being empathetic to our kiddos is super important, and then 00:17:26.283 --> 00:17:27.543 also good communicators. 00:17:28.118 --> 00:17:32.528 That means that when we're upset or we're frustrated that we take that deep breath 00:17:32.528 --> 00:17:35.428 and we wait and we say, you know what this is important and I want to have a 00:17:35.428 --> 00:17:38.878 good conversation about this, but I can't right now because I'm really frustrated. 00:17:39.438 --> 00:17:42.408 That's healthy good communication and that's an excellent thing 00:17:42.408 --> 00:17:43.308 to model for our kiddos. 00:17:44.183 --> 00:17:47.753 Another characteristics is that we're thoughtful rather than impulsive. 00:17:48.063 --> 00:17:51.683 I know kiddos are so impulsive, so it's really important for us to 00:17:51.683 --> 00:17:56.603 slow down and to almost over the top model this, you know what I'm 00:17:56.603 --> 00:17:59.783 going to slow down and I'm going to be thoughtful rather than impulsive. 00:18:00.663 --> 00:18:05.143 If there's things that you can do day in and day out that fill your cup so 00:18:05.143 --> 00:18:08.743 that you can feel good about the work that you're doing with your kiddos. 00:18:08.983 --> 00:18:12.953 If you can feel good about the work that you're doing at your work or 00:18:12.953 --> 00:18:16.433 whatever else you've got on your plate all day long, that generally 00:18:16.438 --> 00:18:17.663 you feel good about yourself. 00:18:17.973 --> 00:18:22.088 Then how can you translate that for your children into their life, how can they 00:18:22.088 --> 00:18:23.978 feel good about themselves as a person? 00:18:24.738 --> 00:18:27.618 Those are some key characteristics of resilient people. 00:18:27.668 --> 00:18:30.968 My next slide I was going to ask you is how resilient are you? 00:18:31.248 --> 00:18:35.298 What is one way that you feel like you really demonstrate resilience? 00:18:35.608 --> 00:18:40.068 I would love it if somebody would feel bold enough to jump in and 00:18:40.068 --> 00:18:44.448 share one way that you are resilient. 00:18:51.673 --> 00:18:52.033 All right. 00:18:52.873 --> 00:18:54.643 Always try it again when we fail. 00:18:54.643 --> 00:18:55.243 Thank you. 00:18:55.303 --> 00:18:58.573 I appreciate somebody being bold and saying that. 00:18:58.963 --> 00:18:59.413 Yeah. 00:18:59.413 --> 00:19:04.023 So it is, it's that just pick yourself back up when we fail. 00:19:04.053 --> 00:19:04.323 Right? 00:19:04.603 --> 00:19:06.693 There really isn't any failing. 00:19:06.743 --> 00:19:08.873 We are navigating something new. 00:19:09.233 --> 00:19:13.753 One of the things that persistence is continuing in the spite of difficulty. 00:19:14.123 --> 00:19:16.973 It's going to be challenging, it's going to be difficult because 00:19:16.973 --> 00:19:18.533 we've never done it before. 00:19:18.963 --> 00:19:23.503 If we can reflect back to some of the things that we have done 00:19:23.503 --> 00:19:26.833 that we have never done before and how we were persistent and 00:19:26.833 --> 00:19:28.423 how we came out the other side. 00:19:28.823 --> 00:19:34.248 Also just in our work I think in everybody moving to online so quickly, 00:19:34.488 --> 00:19:38.898 there was a steep learning curve, but boy, I feel like we have done a really 00:19:38.898 --> 00:19:43.858 good job and we have been really, really resilient in this pandemic. 00:19:43.858 --> 00:19:47.998 We've really learned new ways and out of all of these new things that we've 00:19:47.998 --> 00:19:50.938 tried, there's going to be some things that we throw out the window and we say, 00:19:50.968 --> 00:19:56.098 that wasn't great, but oh my goodness these five things have been really good 00:19:56.098 --> 00:19:57.058 and we're going to keep doing them. 00:19:57.578 --> 00:20:00.368 That's what we're going to have to do day in and day out with our kiddos. 00:20:00.368 --> 00:20:03.428 We're going to find things that work and then we're going to find things that 00:20:03.428 --> 00:20:07.498 we're like, oh boy, that did not work and be okay to throw that out and keep 00:20:08.188 --> 00:20:10.318 being persistent and try something else. 00:20:10.748 --> 00:20:14.983 So how can you best support your children in stressful situations? 00:20:15.523 --> 00:20:19.903 Boy, there's so much that goes along with this, but this is just in a nutshell, 00:20:19.903 --> 00:20:23.653 a few things, and if you guys want to just write down one or two things, 00:20:23.683 --> 00:20:25.183 I don't want you to get overwhelmed. 00:20:25.183 --> 00:20:30.313 Your plate is full with everything that you have going on, but if you could 00:20:30.313 --> 00:20:35.108 just pick one or two things to say, I'm going to really focus on this. 00:20:35.108 --> 00:20:39.788 This is my one or two takeaway from this talk that I'm going to really focus 00:20:39.788 --> 00:20:44.738 on this to help my child during this upcoming school year and recognizing 00:20:44.738 --> 00:20:46.478 that it's stressful for everybody. 00:20:46.928 --> 00:20:49.718 It's just different when it's stressful for kids because they don't 00:20:49.718 --> 00:20:54.318 have the life experiences to be able to reflect and to go back and say, 00:20:54.348 --> 00:20:56.058 oh, okay, this will all be okay. 00:20:56.118 --> 00:21:00.478 Or to say, oh, I've experienced something like this before and it was okay. 00:21:00.898 --> 00:21:05.538 So they really are just navigating uncharted territory and this is 00:21:05.538 --> 00:21:06.948 their life experiences, right? 00:21:06.948 --> 00:21:08.178 So we've gotta walk beside them. 00:21:08.993 --> 00:21:12.723 So be aware of their child's behaviors and emotions and I have 00:21:12.723 --> 00:21:16.723 a little saying that I like to say, which it's not just about children. 00:21:16.723 --> 00:21:21.113 I think all people communicate through behavior, but children 00:21:21.113 --> 00:21:22.613 are really effective at this. 00:21:22.613 --> 00:21:25.283 Again, going back to those realistic expectations. 00:21:25.343 --> 00:21:28.548 If your child is throwing themselves on the floor and 00:21:28.548 --> 00:21:30.408 they're saying, I can't, I can't. 00:21:30.828 --> 00:21:34.648 That might mean that we have to go back to the drawing board and I would strongly 00:21:34.648 --> 00:21:37.048 encourage you to bring them into the fold. 00:21:37.078 --> 00:21:40.348 Particularly if they're older children of the age of four on up. 00:21:40.468 --> 00:21:44.338 Bring them into the fold of, how can I best support you? 00:21:44.498 --> 00:21:49.438 Really put that back on them so that they can begin to own their own learning 00:21:49.438 --> 00:21:51.568 experience for this coming year. 00:21:52.488 --> 00:21:53.988 And that you're simply a helper. 00:21:54.018 --> 00:21:57.738 You are just walking beside them in this journey. 00:21:58.008 --> 00:22:00.608 And I realize that there's going to be times that you're going to have to sit 00:22:00.608 --> 00:22:03.768 with them and make sure that they get their work done and stuff, but setting 00:22:03.768 --> 00:22:07.698 up the structure, if there's a way to be able to bring them into that so they feel 00:22:07.698 --> 00:22:08.923 a part of that, that would be awesome. 00:22:09.853 --> 00:22:13.243 Be available and open to talk with your child when they're ready. 00:22:13.273 --> 00:22:16.633 I know that's not always easy because you've got your own schedules and 00:22:16.633 --> 00:22:19.933 your own works and everything else, but make sure that you're carving 00:22:19.933 --> 00:22:23.703 out some time, that your child knows that they can come to you. 00:22:23.803 --> 00:22:28.263 If you've got some windows of time, saying, okay, I've got things from here to 00:22:28.263 --> 00:22:31.403 here and I'm open during this timeframe. 00:22:31.793 --> 00:22:34.783 Just so that they know that they can count on that time if they need it. 00:22:35.763 --> 00:22:37.773 Encourage the expression of feelings. 00:22:37.823 --> 00:22:40.913 I love this little thing is, and you can do it for all age 00:22:40.913 --> 00:22:42.623 children, but say what you see. 00:22:43.123 --> 00:22:45.523 So if they're really frustrated. 00:22:45.623 --> 00:22:49.463 You can say, gosh, I can see that you're really frustrated with this. 00:22:49.493 --> 00:22:54.123 Either if it's technology or that you're not understanding what the teacher is 00:22:54.123 --> 00:22:57.633 trying to explain to you, if they just have their hands in their head, you could 00:22:57.633 --> 00:22:59.703 say, gosh, I see that you need a break. 00:23:00.003 --> 00:23:00.873 Let's take a break. 00:23:01.173 --> 00:23:01.503 Right? 00:23:01.763 --> 00:23:05.663 What you're doing for them is you're helping them navigate all of these 00:23:05.663 --> 00:23:11.233 stressful situations and hopefully encouraging healthy ways to experience 00:23:11.233 --> 00:23:15.273 stressful situations so that they do become resilient and they do become like, 00:23:15.573 --> 00:23:21.233 oh, okay, I can handle this and I can handle this with the help of my parent. 00:23:21.703 --> 00:23:24.403 Encourage physical activity and good nutrition. 00:23:24.733 --> 00:23:27.613 If your children don't need to be in their seat. 00:23:28.023 --> 00:23:31.953 Make sure that there's time blocked out, that we go outside for a walk 00:23:32.013 --> 00:23:35.773 or we go outside and play some basketball or that they're getting that 00:23:35.773 --> 00:23:37.993 outdoor and that physical activity. 00:23:38.383 --> 00:23:40.123 It's really, really important. 00:23:40.223 --> 00:23:42.833 Teach and model, good emotional responses. 00:23:42.883 --> 00:23:48.743 I know for me, I've had to take that deep breath and when I want to just jump in 00:23:48.743 --> 00:23:51.253 and try and solve the problem immediately. 00:23:52.083 --> 00:23:54.213 I just slow down and take that deep breath. 00:23:54.493 --> 00:23:57.933 Again, your children are watching so if you can just 00:23:57.963 --> 00:23:59.643 stop and take that deep breath. 00:24:00.333 --> 00:24:01.263 You'll be amazed. 00:24:01.363 --> 00:24:04.203 There might be a time that they're sitting, they're frustrated and you'll 00:24:04.203 --> 00:24:08.643 notice that they'll take that deep breath and you'll be like, oh wow, okay. 00:24:08.973 --> 00:24:09.633 That's good. 00:24:09.933 --> 00:24:10.983 It's a good start. 00:24:11.363 --> 00:24:14.423 Teach and model healthy coping and problem solving skills. 00:24:14.473 --> 00:24:18.413 For parents particularly, I think it's harder when you have teenagers, 00:24:18.413 --> 00:24:24.098 but certainly 4 to 14 really talk through how you're problem solving 00:24:24.098 --> 00:24:28.328 something like, oh my goodness, this happened and this is what I did, 00:24:28.328 --> 00:24:30.608 and oh, this was super frustrating. 00:24:30.608 --> 00:24:35.198 But then I was able to think about it or gee, I went and took a quick walk 00:24:35.198 --> 00:24:38.468 around the block and my head cleared, and then I was able to come up with these 00:24:38.468 --> 00:24:41.078 solutions, like talk through those things. 00:24:41.448 --> 00:24:44.838 Not as a sit down, like I'm going to teach you how I problem solve this, 00:24:44.838 --> 00:24:47.088 but just in like everyday conversation. 00:24:47.458 --> 00:24:51.898 Then hopefully what that will do is I will allow the space for them to come to 00:24:51.898 --> 00:24:56.238 you and be like, oh my goodness, this was really frustrating and this is what I did. 00:24:56.338 --> 00:24:58.428 Then hopefully you guys can have a dialogue and you can 00:24:58.428 --> 00:25:02.118 continue to teach them healthy and good problem solving skills. 00:25:02.698 --> 00:25:05.998 Then keep them aware of the day-to-day things in the family that may affect them. 00:25:06.328 --> 00:25:08.128 I say this for all children. 00:25:08.178 --> 00:25:12.078 If you can give your kids a heads up about what the day is going to look like. 00:25:12.478 --> 00:25:17.298 If you need more structure where maybe you have a big laundry list on the wall 00:25:17.298 --> 00:25:20.518 that says from here to here we're going to have breakfast and then we're going 00:25:20.518 --> 00:25:23.818 to do two hours of school, and then we're going to have lunch, and then we're 00:25:23.818 --> 00:25:27.008 going to have some outdoor time, and then we're going to come back and we're 00:25:27.008 --> 00:25:28.968 going to do another two hours of school. 00:25:29.338 --> 00:25:32.338 That would be really helpful for everybody to be able to see that. 00:25:32.888 --> 00:25:35.678 If there's things that are going to affect them, like you're going to be 00:25:36.038 --> 00:25:38.438 not available during certain times. 00:25:38.748 --> 00:25:42.468 If they are going to get picked up by somebody and taken somewhere, like all 00:25:42.468 --> 00:25:44.568 of those things they should be aware of. 00:25:45.168 --> 00:25:49.698 That will keep them in the loop and that will help them feel a little 00:25:49.698 --> 00:25:51.013 bit more control of their day. 00:25:53.118 --> 00:25:56.358 Let's talk about some practical ways, and we've already talked a little 00:25:56.358 --> 00:25:59.748 bit about this, but the building of resilience, and the building of 00:25:59.748 --> 00:26:04.098 resilience really is that persistence and being determined and people that 00:26:04.098 --> 00:26:08.778 are resilient feel good about themselves and they have realistic expectations. 00:26:08.878 --> 00:26:11.738 It's really important for your children to have the strong 00:26:11.738 --> 00:26:13.388 emotional connection with you. 00:26:13.668 --> 00:26:16.698 In little children, one of the things I'd love to talk about is 00:26:16.698 --> 00:26:18.588 creating special time for them. 00:26:19.068 --> 00:26:23.368 And boy, if you go on the CDC website, there's a special time handout. 00:26:23.828 --> 00:26:25.808 I can even attach it to here. 00:26:25.808 --> 00:26:27.218 I can get Julia to do that. 00:26:27.608 --> 00:26:32.378 But special time can really be 10 or 15 minutes where you're just really 00:26:32.378 --> 00:26:36.608 playing with your child and you're just filling their emotional cup and 00:26:36.608 --> 00:26:38.138 they're getting their time with you. 00:26:38.408 --> 00:26:40.838 It does not have to be hours. 00:26:40.898 --> 00:26:46.673 It can be 15 minutes and you can set a timer and you can just play 00:26:46.673 --> 00:26:50.873 with them and turn off the phones and turn off all the technology 00:26:51.233 --> 00:26:53.573 and just have that time with them. 00:26:53.873 --> 00:26:58.193 It goes a long way and it really helps them feel good about themselves. 00:26:58.593 --> 00:27:01.683 Older children set aside time when you know you're available 00:27:01.683 --> 00:27:03.303 without any distractions. 00:27:03.403 --> 00:27:07.513 There are times we have all of our family members around us all the time. 00:27:07.873 --> 00:27:11.953 I set aside time and I say, I will be available from here to here and 00:27:11.953 --> 00:27:15.843 I try and stay outta my office and I try and be available for my kids. 00:27:16.173 --> 00:27:20.253 They may not need me, but they know that that is the time that I will be available. 00:27:20.503 --> 00:27:22.153 Again, it doesn't have to be for hours. 00:27:22.183 --> 00:27:24.103 It can be for 30 minutes. 00:27:24.103 --> 00:27:28.488 From 11:00 to 11:30, I'm going to walk outta my office and I'm 00:27:28.488 --> 00:27:32.078 going to be available even if I'm just puttering around in the 00:27:32.078 --> 00:27:34.598 kitchen and just being around. 00:27:34.788 --> 00:27:35.418 That's important. 00:27:36.018 --> 00:27:39.078 The other key things about being resilient is for people to feel 00:27:39.078 --> 00:27:40.638 like they can problem solve, right? 00:27:41.028 --> 00:27:45.668 For kids we often use a term of jumping in to fix it right away. 00:27:45.748 --> 00:27:49.798 You know, kids are super smart, they've got a lot of really good thought 00:27:49.798 --> 00:27:54.428 processes and so it's important to let them talk through it themselves. 00:27:54.428 --> 00:27:59.608 They may not always come up to the answer right away, but the more questions you 00:27:59.608 --> 00:28:04.793 can ask and the more opportunities you can get your kids thinking is super 00:28:04.853 --> 00:28:06.443 good for their growth and development. 00:28:06.523 --> 00:28:10.373 I love this little saying that I've had my entire time that I've been 00:28:10.373 --> 00:28:14.213 parenting, but I really have tried to be more curious than critical. 00:28:14.523 --> 00:28:20.583 So when kids come to us with a problem how can we ask more questions instead 00:28:20.583 --> 00:28:23.103 of trying to jump in and be like, you could do this and you could do that. 00:28:23.383 --> 00:28:27.703 Maybe even one of the questions is, what have you tried or what do you think. 00:28:28.233 --> 00:28:31.443 That falls right into the next one, which is teach and encourage age 00:28:31.443 --> 00:28:32.973 appropriate problem solving skills. 00:28:33.033 --> 00:28:35.313 So, wow, that stinks. 00:28:35.313 --> 00:28:37.233 You know, how do you think you can handle this? 00:28:37.233 --> 00:28:38.313 What do you think you can do? 00:28:38.523 --> 00:28:40.593 What do you need from me to support you? 00:28:40.653 --> 00:28:43.143 Not to fix it for you, but just to support you. 00:28:43.753 --> 00:28:46.993 You're putting that ability for kids to problem solve, back in 00:28:46.993 --> 00:28:51.373 their control is super helpful in reducing some of that stress. 00:28:51.723 --> 00:28:54.453 And if they're just like, gosh, I have no idea. 00:28:54.723 --> 00:28:56.523 Then you can again ask more questions. 00:28:56.523 --> 00:28:57.723 Would you like my help? 00:28:57.723 --> 00:29:01.563 Do you want to know what I've tried in the past or what some other kids might do? 00:29:01.873 --> 00:29:03.263 Really start that dialogue. 00:29:03.883 --> 00:29:07.243 You're building this really strong emotional connection with your kiddo. 00:29:08.143 --> 00:29:10.963 Labeling their emotions, say what you see. 00:29:11.303 --> 00:29:16.383 A lot of times little kids up to the age of maybe eight, they're super good at mad, 00:29:16.443 --> 00:29:21.463 glad, happy, sad, but they're probably feeling a lot of other emotions too. 00:29:21.513 --> 00:29:25.473 So helping them really begin to understand their emotions and 00:29:25.473 --> 00:29:28.953 their feelings is super important to them building some resilience. 00:29:29.503 --> 00:29:33.013 Again, demonstrating and modeling your own coping skills, which we're 00:29:33.013 --> 00:29:36.763 going to talk about at the end here, But Colorado Crisis is around. 00:29:36.813 --> 00:29:38.703 I know that we have therapists online. 00:29:39.113 --> 00:29:43.803 If you have a lot on your plate, make sure that you're taking care of yourself. 00:29:43.853 --> 00:29:48.323 Make sure that you've got the support that you need so that you can then 00:29:48.383 --> 00:29:49.943 lend the support to your kiddos. 00:29:50.193 --> 00:29:52.893 That's modeling really good coping skills. 00:29:52.943 --> 00:29:57.383 Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. 00:29:57.453 --> 00:30:00.993 If you can model that for your kiddos, guess how much more likely 00:30:00.993 --> 00:30:03.753 they're going to be willing to come to you when they need help? 00:30:03.753 --> 00:30:04.053 Right? 00:30:04.053 --> 00:30:06.543 You've shown them that asking for help is ok. 00:30:07.053 --> 00:30:10.708 So when they need help, and boy, if they're in middle school or 00:30:10.708 --> 00:30:12.118 high school, they need help. 00:30:12.358 --> 00:30:15.118 They don't need to be thinking they need to do this all on their own. 00:30:15.148 --> 00:30:17.638 They need to know that they have a partner and somebody that can 00:30:17.908 --> 00:30:19.528 walk with them through this. 00:30:20.068 --> 00:30:22.108 Embrace their mistakes and yours. 00:30:22.108 --> 00:30:24.908 I have a smiley face there because as parents we're pretty 00:30:24.908 --> 00:30:26.528 quick to jump on their mistakes. 00:30:27.128 --> 00:30:31.598 It's important for us to acknowledge our mistakes and to show them that, you know 00:30:31.598 --> 00:30:36.718 what, we're not perfect, and you can make a mistake and you can recover and you can 00:30:36.718 --> 00:30:38.758 make changes and you can move forward. 00:30:39.178 --> 00:30:41.158 And that's resilience right there. 00:30:41.208 --> 00:30:44.018 Like the lady in the chat that said getting back up 00:30:44.018 --> 00:30:45.698 after you quote unquote fail. 00:30:46.028 --> 00:30:47.078 And so, yeah. 00:30:47.078 --> 00:30:49.628 So just recognizing that we all make mistakes. 00:30:50.028 --> 00:30:52.638 And then talk openly about the times that you are resilient. 00:30:52.713 --> 00:30:54.303 Do you know of that job promotion? 00:30:54.303 --> 00:30:58.083 Boy, you worked really hard or you stuck with it, or gosh, you got passed 00:30:58.083 --> 00:31:00.003 up three times, but then you got it. 00:31:00.313 --> 00:31:02.563 What did that resilience feel like and look like? 00:31:02.933 --> 00:31:05.873 Maybe a hard family interaction, somebody that's in your family 00:31:05.873 --> 00:31:07.583 that they know it's stressful. 00:31:07.633 --> 00:31:11.253 What are the things that you do to keep coming back and to 00:31:11.253 --> 00:31:13.083 work on that family interaction? 00:31:13.423 --> 00:31:15.763 How do you recover from a mistake that you make? 00:31:16.243 --> 00:31:18.073 Change of scenery is always good. 00:31:18.073 --> 00:31:20.273 Get outside clean air, clear head. 00:31:20.613 --> 00:31:24.883 When you see everyone just falling apart to say, let's get outside. 00:31:24.983 --> 00:31:27.323 It doesn't have to be a punishment at that point in time. 00:31:27.323 --> 00:31:29.158 At that point it's I'm going to teach you how to cope. 00:31:29.378 --> 00:31:31.228 with Stress. 00:31:31.658 --> 00:31:33.998 Hopefully you have your own coping mechanism. 00:31:34.378 --> 00:31:38.008 I know that if I go out for a walk, even though I may not want 00:31:38.008 --> 00:31:41.248 to, but then I do, oh my goodness, I feel so much better after. 00:31:41.258 --> 00:31:43.453 Sometimes it's just like pushing through to the end. 00:31:44.673 --> 00:31:48.118 All right, what I was just talking about before is that you are not alone. 00:31:48.148 --> 00:31:50.218 We have Colorado Crisis. 00:31:50.698 --> 00:31:52.198 The phone numbers are there. 00:31:52.268 --> 00:31:59.538 Jot them down if you'd like, or you can even text talk TALK238255. 00:32:00.213 --> 00:32:05.703 And Jefferson Center manages the closest walk-in center at 4643 Wadsworth. 00:32:06.013 --> 00:32:10.303 The biggest thing I want to really focus on with this is that you 00:32:10.303 --> 00:32:14.493 have to, as parents, make sure that you're cup this full, make sure that 00:32:14.493 --> 00:32:19.263 you've got the support that you need in order to support your kiddos. 00:32:19.813 --> 00:32:25.518 This talk today has been brought to you by Jefferson Center Speakers Bureau. 00:32:25.858 --> 00:32:27.598 We do community groups. 00:32:27.598 --> 00:32:32.448 Normally we do them in person and the presentations are all given by 00:32:32.508 --> 00:32:34.758 professional Jefferson Center staff. 00:32:35.313 --> 00:32:38.843 We have presentations on a variety of mental health and wellness topics. 00:32:38.893 --> 00:32:43.313 If you check the Jefferson Center Facebook page, there's lots of topics 00:32:43.313 --> 00:32:45.023 and they've posted other talks. 00:32:45.023 --> 00:32:47.613 If this was interesting to you or you want to go back and see what 00:32:47.613 --> 00:32:49.353 else they have, you can do that. 00:32:50.323 --> 00:32:53.653 Also, there's lots of ways to get involved with Jefferson Center. 00:32:53.653 --> 00:32:57.043 You can stay in the loop through the Facebook page. 00:32:57.043 --> 00:32:57.943 You can donate. 00:32:58.343 --> 00:33:02.903 We have mental health first aid and attending an event like you guys did. 00:33:02.953 --> 00:33:07.283 You can learn more at jcmh.org /get-involved. 00:33:07.973 --> 00:33:11.013 Jefferson Center has been around for 60 plus years. 00:33:11.063 --> 00:33:15.473 We have been in the community and we want to make our family strong. 00:33:16.013 --> 00:33:20.063 So I hope that you found this talk to be helpful today. 00:33:20.113 --> 00:33:25.573 As Julia said, this will be posted, but I want to see if there's questions. 00:33:26.923 --> 00:33:27.733 Julia: Thank you, Amy. 00:33:27.733 --> 00:33:30.283 We did get a couple of questions. 00:33:30.333 --> 00:33:33.223 Before we get to them, I do want to remind everyone that if you want to 00:33:33.243 --> 00:33:37.143 talk one-on-one with the therapist to ask questions or get resources, 00:33:37.353 --> 00:33:40.203 just send a private message to us in the chat and we'll get you 00:33:40.203 --> 00:33:41.168 connected at the end of this. 00:33:42.143 --> 00:33:46.613 Amy, the first question we got was, I'm the parent of a five-year-old who's 00:33:46.613 --> 00:33:50.393 going to be starting kindergarten, and I've been stressed about how I'm going 00:33:50.393 --> 00:33:55.043 to talk to with him about school because our district is starting online and 00:33:55.043 --> 00:33:56.783 then eventually going to be in person. 00:33:56.973 --> 00:33:59.668 I would love some advice on how to prepare him for this. 00:34:00.763 --> 00:34:01.633 Amy Cobb: Absolutely. 00:34:02.083 --> 00:34:04.783 Yeah, I think probably the hardest part with a five-year-old is you 00:34:04.783 --> 00:34:08.293 want to make sure the information is age appropriate, right? 00:34:08.653 --> 00:34:12.403 We as parents kind of have the big picture. 00:34:12.683 --> 00:34:19.103 So what I would encourage you to do is really write down three or four things 00:34:19.103 --> 00:34:24.923 that you want to share with him about the upcoming school year, and so I assume 00:34:24.993 --> 00:34:26.403 that the child's going to go to school. 00:34:27.603 --> 00:34:29.343 Does that, is the person still online? 00:34:29.343 --> 00:34:30.333 They can clarify that? 00:34:30.573 --> 00:34:34.203 Julia: Um, yeah, they said that the school district is starting virtual, 00:34:34.353 --> 00:34:38.503 but the plan is that eventually they'll be in person after that. 00:34:38.743 --> 00:34:39.103 Amy Cobb: Okay. 00:34:39.103 --> 00:34:39.403 Yeah. 00:34:39.733 --> 00:34:44.203 I would say if this child has been in some kind of school setting before either 00:34:44.203 --> 00:34:48.883 preschool or daycare or whatever, to reflect back on that and say, you know 00:34:48.883 --> 00:34:53.203 how you always go to school and you see your friends and you see your teacher and 00:34:53.203 --> 00:34:57.633 maybe pull out one or two things, you have lunch there or you do your circle time. 00:34:57.993 --> 00:34:59.343 Just one or two things. 00:34:59.703 --> 00:35:03.013 Like, we're going to do that, but we're not going to do that until 00:35:03.043 --> 00:35:06.818 we're going to do some learning online first on the computer, and 00:35:06.818 --> 00:35:07.928 I'm going to help you with that. 00:35:08.408 --> 00:35:10.388 And then we get to go see our friends. 00:35:10.668 --> 00:35:15.168 I would just make it very simple, one or two things that they can think about. 00:35:15.168 --> 00:35:17.118 Like, oh, I remember that time. 00:35:17.118 --> 00:35:19.188 I remember when I got to see my friends. 00:35:19.518 --> 00:35:23.528 If this child has never been in school before then telling them a 00:35:23.528 --> 00:35:26.678 little bit about what it's going to look like would be helpful too. 00:35:26.708 --> 00:35:29.858 Just say, oh, you're going to go to school and you're going to have a 00:35:29.858 --> 00:35:33.788 teacher and you're going to see some friends and you're going to be able to 00:35:34.148 --> 00:35:38.008 have, time where you learn, maybe pick one thing that your child loves to do. 00:35:38.008 --> 00:35:41.923 If they love to do arts and crafts, most likely in kindergarten they'll 00:35:42.003 --> 00:35:46.673 get to do some arts and crafts, or if they really like math, maybe, 00:35:46.793 --> 00:35:50.363 oh you're going to get to count and learn how to count up to a hundred. 00:35:50.633 --> 00:35:54.403 You know, just pick something that is really exciting for your child and 00:35:54.403 --> 00:35:56.203 just talk about one or two things. 00:35:57.348 --> 00:35:57.678 Julia: Great. 00:35:57.678 --> 00:35:58.158 Thanks Amy. 00:35:58.158 --> 00:35:59.508 That's really great advice. 00:35:59.608 --> 00:36:04.868 The next question we got was, there's been a lot of articles recently about how not 00:36:04.868 --> 00:36:10.268 being in school in person is detrimental for our kids' health and wellbeing? 00:36:10.538 --> 00:36:11.438 Is this true? 00:36:11.438 --> 00:36:13.118 And will our kids be okay? 00:36:13.298 --> 00:36:16.898 Will our kids be okay if we end up doing virtual learning for more than a month? 00:36:17.333 --> 00:36:20.093 Amy Cobb: Gosh, that is so stressful to think about that 00:36:20.303 --> 00:36:22.353 and I don't have the answer. 00:36:22.403 --> 00:36:23.093 I don't know. 00:36:23.098 --> 00:36:26.738 I wish I could say yes, our children will be just fine. 00:36:26.738 --> 00:36:34.178 But what I do know is that we, regardless of school, we are the most influential 00:36:34.328 --> 00:36:35.858 people in our children's life. 00:36:35.888 --> 00:36:40.448 So again, it goes back to how we handle this whole situation. 00:36:40.928 --> 00:36:46.888 I think it's going to be important to find other ways to have social interactions. 00:36:46.888 --> 00:36:52.898 Whether it's doing some kind of sport or something where they're outside with 00:36:52.898 --> 00:36:55.928 other kids, maybe not in close proximity. 00:36:56.308 --> 00:36:58.618 If it's something that you guys do as a family. 00:36:58.718 --> 00:37:03.273 I look back on our school years, you know, this is years and years ago, and you 00:37:03.273 --> 00:37:05.733 don't remember every single little detail. 00:37:05.733 --> 00:37:11.303 You remember the broad strokes of what happens, and so I really do believe that 00:37:11.633 --> 00:37:19.568 if you are mindful about how we approach this year and you fill yourself up and 00:37:19.568 --> 00:37:23.048 get the support that you need in order to be able to best support your kiddos. 00:37:23.078 --> 00:37:24.158 They're going to be just fine. 00:37:24.918 --> 00:37:28.308 Then look for those opportunities to have some experiential learning. 00:37:28.698 --> 00:37:33.468 If the zoo is an option, if going out to a park or doing a hike or 00:37:33.468 --> 00:37:36.608 learning something new with your children, learning how to cook. 00:37:37.158 --> 00:37:43.228 All of that is really important in the growth and the development of a child. 00:37:43.258 --> 00:37:48.178 It doesn't just have to be school and social interactions and things. 00:37:48.178 --> 00:37:50.668 There's a lot of ways that we can still accomplish that. 00:37:51.588 --> 00:37:55.263 Julia: Amy, that's a great point of how as parents you can help 00:37:55.263 --> 00:37:58.923 your kids through this and still provide that interactions and stuff. 00:37:58.923 --> 00:37:59.583 That's great. 00:37:59.923 --> 00:38:03.673 We do have one last question, and this one is, could you talk a little 00:38:03.673 --> 00:38:07.273 bit about how to manage screen time for kids, especially now that 00:38:07.273 --> 00:38:11.178 school's going to be taking place, at least in some part, on the computer? 00:38:11.758 --> 00:38:12.568 Amy Cobb: Absolutely. 00:38:12.818 --> 00:38:16.748 When you're looking at screen time, if you can look at the content, 00:38:16.928 --> 00:38:19.328 the context, and then the child. 00:38:19.638 --> 00:38:25.128 Screen time really does encompass all things like movies and TV and 00:38:25.158 --> 00:38:27.348 video games and distance learning. 00:38:27.348 --> 00:38:29.798 So all of those opportunities where they're going to be 00:38:29.798 --> 00:38:31.118 engaged with the screen. 00:38:31.628 --> 00:38:37.713 If you can look at those as is this child doing it in the right context? 00:38:37.713 --> 00:38:41.073 So if it's part of distance learning, there's not a lot you can do about that. 00:38:41.133 --> 00:38:42.583 Yes, that is a healthy thing. 00:38:43.063 --> 00:38:47.173 If your child is watching a movie with you snuggled up on the couch, 00:38:47.263 --> 00:38:49.003 that is an excellent context. 00:38:49.313 --> 00:38:53.858 If they're sitting in the room on a video game by themselves for hours on end. 00:38:54.383 --> 00:38:56.633 That's probably not the right context. 00:38:56.783 --> 00:38:57.173 Okay. 00:38:57.473 --> 00:39:02.753 So really being mindful of how your child is engaging in screen time, 00:39:03.083 --> 00:39:05.273 and then also looking at the content. 00:39:05.453 --> 00:39:08.423 Are the video games that they're playing, are they appropriate? 00:39:08.753 --> 00:39:10.523 Are you comfortable with them? 00:39:10.833 --> 00:39:11.673 And so forth. 00:39:11.723 --> 00:39:14.813 Also for littler children is the content appropriate? 00:39:14.843 --> 00:39:16.013 Is it age appropriate? 00:39:16.013 --> 00:39:17.303 Are they learning something? 00:39:17.763 --> 00:39:21.153 The reality is that I've had a lot of parents that'll say ABC Mouse 00:39:21.153 --> 00:39:23.503 taught my child how to sing the ABCs. 00:39:23.593 --> 00:39:27.583 That's great as a backup, but really our children learn best from that 00:39:27.583 --> 00:39:31.923 human interaction and they learn best from a one-on-one with a person. 00:39:32.353 --> 00:39:34.963 Even virtually one-on-one with a teacher, right? 00:39:34.963 --> 00:39:36.373 Like that, that counts. 00:39:36.643 --> 00:39:40.693 It's much better than a random game or something. 00:39:40.743 --> 00:39:44.623 So just make they're doing some things on screen that are fun for them and 00:39:44.623 --> 00:39:50.273 so forth, but it's age appropriate content and it's in a good context. 00:39:50.433 --> 00:39:52.593 Then also about what works for the child. 00:39:52.653 --> 00:39:58.393 I know that kiddos, when they have a lot of screen time, they get really amped up. 00:39:58.453 --> 00:40:02.863 And if that is your child, then really be mindful of the time. 00:40:03.203 --> 00:40:06.783 I would encourage you to do a couple things around this, and I don't want to 00:40:06.953 --> 00:40:11.483 belabor the point too much, but again, offering some age appropriate control. 00:40:11.483 --> 00:40:16.448 So if they have 15 minutes or 20 minutes to be on the screen. 00:40:16.848 --> 00:40:19.038 Make sure that you're saying, Hey, you know what? 00:40:19.038 --> 00:40:23.028 We've gotta get off the screen and we're going to transition to our next activity. 00:40:23.058 --> 00:40:26.378 Which again is helpful if you have the whole list of kind of what's 00:40:26.378 --> 00:40:27.698 going to happen throughout the day. 00:40:28.178 --> 00:40:32.318 And then give them a choice and say, Hey, do you need five minutes or seven 00:40:32.318 --> 00:40:34.128 minutes more to finish your game. 00:40:34.648 --> 00:40:37.408 Then hopefully they can make a choice around that. 00:40:37.438 --> 00:40:39.508 You're putting that control back in their court. 00:40:39.898 --> 00:40:43.528 And then you set a timer, you follow up, and when the seven 00:40:43.528 --> 00:40:46.588 minutes is up, you say, okay, it's time to move on to the next thing. 00:40:46.988 --> 00:40:51.898 I realize that that's not always going to go super smooth, but at least you've 00:40:51.898 --> 00:40:55.503 set up the expectation, you follow through and then if the child is still 00:40:55.503 --> 00:41:00.473 upset you can be empathetic and you can console 'em, but you don't give in, right? 00:41:00.473 --> 00:41:04.793 Like you can say, oh man, I know it's hard to switch gears and I know it's 00:41:04.793 --> 00:41:08.748 hard to give up playing that game, but it's time to move on to this next thing. 00:41:08.748 --> 00:41:11.918 You may have to practice that a few times for them to realize that, 00:41:11.948 --> 00:41:15.158 wow, you really are going to follow through with the screen time. 00:41:15.498 --> 00:41:19.548 But really remembering the context, the content and the child, and determining 00:41:19.548 --> 00:41:22.098 how much screen time is really important. 00:41:22.438 --> 00:41:25.228 I think that that's been helpful for me to understand that 00:41:25.678 --> 00:41:27.118 in terms of the screen time. 00:41:27.938 --> 00:41:28.418 Julia: Thanks, Amy. 00:41:28.418 --> 00:41:30.398 That's a good perspective to look at it. 00:41:30.398 --> 00:41:34.848 We did get one last final question, and this one is, my eighth grader 00:41:34.848 --> 00:41:39.088 who was on a 504 plan for emotional needs and pretty much went into 00:41:39.088 --> 00:41:42.838 isolation when school closed in March and didn't have remote learning. 00:41:43.078 --> 00:41:46.438 I've reached out to the special ed team to begin a discussion about how to meet 00:41:46.438 --> 00:41:50.608 her needs as remote learning will start again, but how can I help her handle the 00:41:50.608 --> 00:41:53.338 anticipatory stress that is building? 00:41:55.453 --> 00:41:56.023 Amy Cobb: Yeah. 00:41:56.023 --> 00:41:59.203 Just trying to really be there and be open. 00:41:59.483 --> 00:42:04.493 I would encourage you to, even with an eighth grader, to find some special time. 00:42:05.058 --> 00:42:09.618 To find that opportunity to really connect and fill her cup. 00:42:09.788 --> 00:42:15.388 If she is an outdoor kiddo, for as long as you can, make sure that she's 00:42:15.388 --> 00:42:17.278 getting enough of that outdoor time. 00:42:17.328 --> 00:42:21.188 If there's opportunities, I know one resource in Jefferson County 00:42:21.188 --> 00:42:25.393 is ARC. They can help if you're not getting the resources or the 00:42:25.393 --> 00:42:26.893 support that you need from school. 00:42:26.923 --> 00:42:30.743 I don't know how that whole process looks, but if that's something that 00:42:30.803 --> 00:42:34.013 you can reach out to them and ask them if you feel like you're not getting 00:42:34.013 --> 00:42:35.483 the support that you need at school. 00:42:36.003 --> 00:42:40.593 Just trying to be super mindful about that connection time with her. 00:42:41.293 --> 00:42:45.713 Because it is hard for these little ones to not have that routine in 00:42:45.713 --> 00:42:47.363 that schedule that they're used to. 00:42:49.103 --> 00:42:49.463 Julia: Great. 00:42:49.463 --> 00:42:52.763 Thank you Amy and thank you so much for this presentation today. 00:42:52.813 --> 00:42:55.468 It was very informational and very helpful. 00:42:55.703 --> 00:42:58.973 I just want to remind everyone that no matter what you're facing in life, if 00:42:58.973 --> 00:43:02.813 you're feeling overwhelmed, worried, or stressed, Jefferson Center is here for 00:43:02.813 --> 00:43:06.983 you and we are open, we're accepting new clients, and accessing care is easier 00:43:06.983 --> 00:43:08.693 than ever with virtual appointments. 00:43:08.913 --> 00:43:13.083 You can visit our website at jcmh.org or follow us on Facebook for more 00:43:13.083 --> 00:43:20.173 resources and information, and you can also reach us by calling (303) 425-0300. 00:43:20.523 --> 00:43:22.593 Thank you everyone for attending and have a great day.