WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.140 Introducer: Good evening everyone. 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:03.499 I'd like to introduce to Amy Miller. 00:00:03.499 --> 00:00:08.450 She's a licensed clinical social worker in Jefferson County with a 00:00:08.450 --> 00:00:12.469 broad range of experience currently serving as the Jefferson Center 00:00:12.469 --> 00:00:14.749 Director of Adult Outpatient Services. 00:00:14.870 --> 00:00:19.154 Amy is an engaging presenter, knowledgeable leader, and a dedicated 00:00:19.239 --> 00:00:23.229 community member who is eager to bring practical skills and tips to encourage 00:00:23.229 --> 00:00:25.149 hope and positivity to our community. 00:00:25.150 --> 00:00:25.990 Welcome, Amy. 00:00:26.409 --> 00:00:31.929 I am going to put everyone on mute, then when you want to ask a question, 00:00:31.929 --> 00:00:32.860 you're just going to have to unmute. 00:00:33.230 --> 00:00:37.339 Amy Miller: Feel free to put questions in the chat or just unmute. 00:00:37.730 --> 00:00:41.730 Definitely want this to be interactive and answer any questions you might have 00:00:41.730 --> 00:00:45.820 in the moment, but also pause at a couple different places throughout to give 00:00:45.820 --> 00:00:48.900 folks a time to do that if they like. 00:00:48.900 --> 00:00:49.770 Thank you so much. 00:00:49.820 --> 00:00:53.960 We're going to talk tonight about some strategies for being positively 00:00:53.960 --> 00:00:58.010 you even through challenging times cultivate that positivity. 00:00:58.060 --> 00:01:01.410 We've got some very concrete, practical strategies. 00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:05.250 You probably aren't going to try all of them, but I encourage you to think about 00:01:05.250 --> 00:01:09.840 some that might be interesting for you to try to incorporate or experiment with 00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:11.970 and hope it will be helpful for you. 00:01:13.540 --> 00:01:17.250 A little bit about Jefferson Center, the organization I work for. 00:01:17.430 --> 00:01:20.940 We are the community mental health center serving Jefferson 00:01:20.940 --> 00:01:22.560 Clear Creek and Gilpin Counties. 00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:26.730 We've been serving the community for over 60 years and we are really here 00:01:26.730 --> 00:01:30.030 to improve the lives of the people living in our community through the 00:01:30.030 --> 00:01:35.010 provision of mental health and other services, including our speakers bureau 00:01:35.060 --> 00:01:39.200 where we love to come out and offer presentations on mental health and 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:41.630 wellness to a variety of different groups. 00:01:42.555 --> 00:01:45.855 In terms of our agenda tonight, we are going to be talking about 00:01:45.855 --> 00:01:47.985 those ways to cultivate positivity. 00:01:48.035 --> 00:01:51.605 I want to start by discussing what we mean by positivity. 00:01:51.605 --> 00:01:57.135 'cause it can get skewed or shove down our throats sometimes in not so helpful ways. 00:01:57.565 --> 00:02:01.765 Thinking about what's a realistic way to be positive and to help 00:02:01.765 --> 00:02:03.535 build those positivity skills. 00:02:04.055 --> 00:02:07.265 Some of the things we'll talk about are cultivating mindfulness 00:02:07.325 --> 00:02:09.695 strategies to build our resilience. 00:02:09.695 --> 00:02:12.485 That ability to bounce back from hard times. 00:02:12.695 --> 00:02:17.535 Stress management is an important part of maintaining a positive mindset. 00:02:17.535 --> 00:02:19.965 It's hard to be positive if we're feeling very stressed 00:02:19.965 --> 00:02:21.255 and overwhelmed all the time. 00:02:22.315 --> 00:02:25.825 Then a really important part is making time for fun and for play. 00:02:25.825 --> 00:02:29.695 That's an aspect that's so easy to overlook or to put at the 00:02:29.695 --> 00:02:31.405 very bottom of the to-do list. 00:02:31.715 --> 00:02:35.285 We're going to take some time tonight to think about ways we can incorporate that 00:02:35.285 --> 00:02:39.915 back into our lives because it's easy to think of it as something that's frivolous 00:02:39.915 --> 00:02:42.535 or nice to do if you have the time. 00:02:42.535 --> 00:02:49.415 But this is really what replenishes us and refills our tank and sets us up to be more 00:02:49.415 --> 00:02:51.515 resilient and more positive in the future. 00:02:52.335 --> 00:02:55.935 Then we've got great information in this presentation tonight, but we 00:02:55.935 --> 00:02:57.945 can only cover so much in an hour. 00:02:58.105 --> 00:03:02.680 I'm going to include some resources for further information and support if you'd 00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:07.570 like to explore some of the ideas in this presentation in a little bit more depth. 00:03:09.070 --> 00:03:11.529 What do we mean by positivity. 00:03:12.140 --> 00:03:15.994 How do we realistically think about positivity. 00:03:16.045 --> 00:03:18.984 In some ways it's easier to talk about what it is not. 00:03:19.624 --> 00:03:24.165 With positivity, it's not pretending that everything is fine. 00:03:24.644 --> 00:03:29.924 Denying difficult emotions or ignoring the challenges of our life. 00:03:29.975 --> 00:03:34.775 It's really about finding the balance between the natural negative things that 00:03:34.775 --> 00:03:39.045 we are all going to experience from time to time, but also balancing that out 00:03:39.095 --> 00:03:44.594 with time for play and joy and rest and techniques to help us manage the stress. 00:03:45.534 --> 00:03:50.094 This concept of toxic positivity, I think is an important one. 00:03:50.094 --> 00:03:52.975 Has anyone heard this term used before? 00:03:53.424 --> 00:03:53.904 Yeah. 00:03:53.944 --> 00:03:58.184 With toxic positivity, what we're really talking about is really 00:03:58.694 --> 00:04:04.059 almost dismissing our own or someone else's experience because we're 00:04:04.059 --> 00:04:06.579 uncomfortable with negative emotions. 00:04:07.040 --> 00:04:10.520 The underlying message is you shouldn't be upset. 00:04:10.949 --> 00:04:14.639 We all have things that happen in our lives that will naturally lead us to 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:19.339 be upset from time to time and it's normal and healthy to acknowledge it. 00:04:19.339 --> 00:04:23.630 So you might hear people say things like positive vibes only. 00:04:24.289 --> 00:04:26.569 They are struggling with something. 00:04:26.569 --> 00:04:30.830 They're worried, for example, about their child's performance at school. 00:04:31.289 --> 00:04:36.119 You might hear someone respond by saying, at least you have a child. 00:04:36.609 --> 00:04:39.369 It's those statements that really minimize the struggle 00:04:39.369 --> 00:04:40.809 that someone is going through. 00:04:41.449 --> 00:04:45.249 Things like, other people have it so much worse, or you have so much 00:04:45.249 --> 00:04:49.089 to be grateful for, or just stay positive, or you'll get over this. 00:04:49.339 --> 00:04:49.999 Don't be sad. 00:04:49.999 --> 00:04:51.229 You're going to get over this. 00:04:51.809 --> 00:04:57.019 That's not what we want to incorporate in our lives because we need to validate, 00:04:57.049 --> 00:05:01.039 acknowledge and honor the challenges and the emotions we experience. 00:05:01.039 --> 00:05:03.659 We're going to take the rose collar glasses and we're going to set 00:05:03.659 --> 00:05:05.639 those aside from this presentation. 00:05:06.149 --> 00:05:08.969 We want a realistic view about positivity. 00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:15.309 What we mean by that is can we find the good, even admits the bad. 00:05:16.099 --> 00:05:20.929 Our lives are complex and messy and complicated and yes, it's 00:05:20.929 --> 00:05:23.779 important to acknowledge the challenges and the struggles. 00:05:24.409 --> 00:05:29.344 How do we take time to really notice the good that is there when we're ready, 00:05:29.464 --> 00:05:31.294 when it's not being forced upon us. 00:05:31.294 --> 00:05:35.704 How can we acknowledge our feelings and process them in a healthy way 00:05:36.034 --> 00:05:39.904 to get us to a place where we're ready to also recognize the good 00:05:39.904 --> 00:05:42.454 and do that both and thinking. 00:05:43.304 --> 00:05:46.094 A lot of it is staying focused on the present moment. 00:05:46.404 --> 00:05:50.994 Not letting the anxiety of the future or the frustration over the past kind 00:05:50.994 --> 00:05:53.514 of cloud our mood or cloud our thinking. 00:05:53.514 --> 00:05:58.704 Focusing on what's happening right here in this moment and what can I do here in 00:05:58.704 --> 00:06:04.554 this present moment to set myself up for a more positive outlook in the future. 00:06:05.514 --> 00:06:09.684 It's engaging in things like mindfulness, to deliberately notice the good 00:06:09.684 --> 00:06:11.514 things that are there in your life. 00:06:11.514 --> 00:06:15.224 So taking time to find those things and to focus on them because 00:06:15.224 --> 00:06:17.864 what we focus on gets bigger. 00:06:18.264 --> 00:06:22.414 If we focus on the bad and dwell and ruminate on the bad things 00:06:22.414 --> 00:06:26.344 happening in our lives, that's going to get bigger and bigger until 00:06:26.344 --> 00:06:28.414 it gets incredibly overwhelming. 00:06:28.774 --> 00:06:32.644 But if we can find the good and focus on that good, that will also 00:06:32.644 --> 00:06:36.524 grow and help us find the other things that are also positive. 00:06:37.554 --> 00:06:39.564 Part of that is expressing gratitude. 00:06:40.084 --> 00:06:44.544 We have X, Y, Z going on, I'm really grateful for. 00:06:45.309 --> 00:06:48.819 The people who are showing up in my life or the relationships I have 00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:54.139 or the roof over my head and doing it in a genuine and authentic way. 00:06:54.139 --> 00:06:56.029 Again, when we're ready to do. 00:06:56.029 --> 00:06:59.659 We don't want to force this too early, otherwise it ends up falling 00:06:59.659 --> 00:07:02.179 into that toxic positivity mindset. 00:07:03.329 --> 00:07:07.789 The great thing about a positive mindset is its impact on the people around us. 00:07:07.789 --> 00:07:11.914 One of the most effective ways to shift from a negative outlook to a positive 00:07:11.914 --> 00:07:15.214 outlook is to do a random act of kindness. 00:07:15.214 --> 00:07:18.734 To go out of our way to do something kind for others. 00:07:18.764 --> 00:07:22.804 We have the benefit of helping out someone else, but we also often get a 00:07:22.804 --> 00:07:25.464 real great benefit from helping others. 00:07:25.514 --> 00:07:28.094 That's definitely included in positivity as well. 00:07:30.474 --> 00:07:34.584 We can take action, do things to really cultivate that positivity. 00:07:34.634 --> 00:07:38.474 The things we're going to focus on, practicing mindfulness, there's lots 00:07:38.474 --> 00:07:41.264 of different ways to incorporate mindfulness into your day and 00:07:41.264 --> 00:07:42.764 we'll talk about several of them. 00:07:43.284 --> 00:07:47.124 Strategies for building that resilience, managing stress, but 00:07:47.124 --> 00:07:49.694 also finding joy, being creative. 00:07:49.694 --> 00:07:53.394 I'm looking at this little boy with his cardboard rocket on his back and 00:07:53.694 --> 00:07:58.044 thinking about the joy and creativity he got to engage in to create that. 00:07:58.474 --> 00:08:01.344 Also thinking about how we can connect with others because our 00:08:01.344 --> 00:08:06.144 social support, our social connections are really so important for so 00:08:06.144 --> 00:08:07.974 many areas of our mental health. 00:08:09.694 --> 00:08:12.934 We're going to start by discussing ways to practice mindfulness. 00:08:13.394 --> 00:08:15.134 It doesn't have to be complicated. 00:08:15.134 --> 00:08:18.374 You don't have to go on a mindfulness retreat or meditate 00:08:18.374 --> 00:08:20.144 in perfect silence for an hour. 00:08:20.144 --> 00:08:24.094 I think sometimes mindfulness can feel a little intimidating, but 00:08:24.094 --> 00:08:27.284 it's really about incorporating pretty straightforward practices. 00:08:28.609 --> 00:08:30.649 It takes a lot of different forms. 00:08:31.019 --> 00:08:33.899 Yoga is one form of mindfulness. 00:08:33.899 --> 00:08:38.169 It's about being in the present moment and being aware of your body 00:08:38.169 --> 00:08:41.929 and your body's position as it goes through the different movements. 00:08:42.329 --> 00:08:46.269 Certainly meditation or prayers are different forms of mindfulness. 00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:49.939 It can even be as simple as just taking a moment to really pay 00:08:49.939 --> 00:08:51.889 attention to our surroundings. 00:08:51.889 --> 00:08:56.749 So often we are going throughout the day and checking things off our to-do list 00:08:56.749 --> 00:09:01.139 and rushing from one thing to the other and it could be as simple as taking a 00:09:01.139 --> 00:09:07.559 moment to really sit down and quietly drink that cup of coffee or sit with 00:09:07.559 --> 00:09:13.499 your face in the sunshine and just being focused and eliminating distractions. 00:09:13.569 --> 00:09:15.579 Again, a lot of different ways to do this. 00:09:16.029 --> 00:09:17.829 Great thing is it can be done anywhere. 00:09:17.829 --> 00:09:20.259 You don't need any fancy equipment. 00:09:20.289 --> 00:09:23.799 You can do it anywhere you're at in the car with your kids. 00:09:24.279 --> 00:09:25.869 It can happen anytime. 00:09:27.169 --> 00:09:29.299 It's really about using your senses. 00:09:29.719 --> 00:09:33.829 Engaging, sight, taste, smell, touch. 00:09:34.319 --> 00:09:37.889 A great example is you can practice mindfulness while you're doing the dishes. 00:09:38.349 --> 00:09:40.389 You can think about the temperature. 00:09:40.449 --> 00:09:41.949 How does the water feel? 00:09:41.979 --> 00:09:42.699 Is it hot? 00:09:42.699 --> 00:09:43.539 Is it cold? 00:09:43.869 --> 00:09:45.159 How do the dishes feel? 00:09:45.369 --> 00:09:46.299 Are they sticky? 00:09:46.299 --> 00:09:47.559 Are they slippery? 00:09:48.069 --> 00:09:51.249 How does that change as you wash the dishes? 00:09:51.639 --> 00:09:52.509 Smelling. 00:09:52.569 --> 00:09:56.529 Does your dish soap have a certain scent that you can notice? 00:09:56.959 --> 00:09:58.069 What are you seeing? 00:09:58.069 --> 00:09:59.449 What do the bubbles look like? 00:09:59.449 --> 00:10:03.079 What do the dishes look like as they go from dirty to clean? 00:10:03.679 --> 00:10:04.699 What are you hearing? 00:10:05.179 --> 00:10:08.119 Are you hearing the dishes clink against each other? 00:10:08.299 --> 00:10:09.709 Water splashing. 00:10:10.189 --> 00:10:14.329 It's really just about immersing yourself in that moment rather than 00:10:14.629 --> 00:10:17.249 letting your thoughts wander off. 00:10:17.649 --> 00:10:21.489 It's really helpful because it just really helps us ground back in our body 00:10:21.489 --> 00:10:25.239 so that when we're feeling anxious or stressed, it brings us back to that 00:10:25.299 --> 00:10:29.499 present moment and really deactivates the flight or fight response. 00:10:29.499 --> 00:10:34.069 We can go from thinking anxiously about everything that we have in 00:10:34.069 --> 00:10:37.729 our lives that's stressing us out to being present in the moment and 00:10:37.729 --> 00:10:41.959 realizing, oh, there's actually no threat here right now in this moment. 00:10:42.319 --> 00:10:44.659 That helps our body start to self-regulate. 00:10:46.169 --> 00:10:50.729 A more structured activity you can try and this is great if you have periods 00:10:50.729 --> 00:10:55.289 of feeling really anxious or if you've been through a really stressful event. 00:10:55.359 --> 00:10:59.449 We'll sometimes use this technique with people who've experienced 00:10:59.449 --> 00:11:03.049 a traumatic event who are very activated and overwhelmed and 00:11:03.049 --> 00:11:05.389 flooded with that anxiety response. 00:11:06.119 --> 00:11:07.589 It's 5-4-3-2-1. 00:11:08.259 --> 00:11:12.099 What you do is wherever you are right now, look around and 00:11:12.099 --> 00:11:15.099 identify five things you can see. 00:11:15.829 --> 00:11:22.219 I can see my water bottle, I can see my pen, the clock, whatever. 00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:24.949 Doesn't have to be anything life changing. 00:11:24.949 --> 00:11:28.129 What are just five things you can see right now? 00:11:29.099 --> 00:11:31.499 Then what are four things you can feel. 00:11:32.664 --> 00:11:36.654 We're talking not about like feeling emotions, but physically feel. 00:11:36.704 --> 00:11:39.494 Right now I can feel my feet on the floor. 00:11:39.704 --> 00:11:41.414 I feel my butt in the chair. 00:11:41.654 --> 00:11:46.934 I feel, my glasses on my face if I stop and notice and really pay attention. 00:11:47.274 --> 00:11:50.214 Noticing different physical sensations that you feel. 00:11:51.304 --> 00:11:53.494 Then think about three things you can hear. 00:11:54.434 --> 00:11:56.624 You might hear the traffic outside. 00:11:56.624 --> 00:12:00.674 You might hear, I hear my laptop fan going, because I've got a lot 00:12:00.674 --> 00:12:02.264 of programs running right now. 00:12:02.694 --> 00:12:06.604 I hear the sound of my dog walking around outside my door, 00:12:07.089 --> 00:12:08.914 different things you can hear. 00:12:09.644 --> 00:12:13.424 Then two things that you can smell. 00:12:14.064 --> 00:12:17.324 If you have something handy, this is a great time to put a little scented 00:12:17.324 --> 00:12:21.584 lotion on or maybe take a snip of whatever you're drinking or you can 00:12:21.784 --> 00:12:25.924 think about stuff you like to smell and just think about what that smells like. 00:12:26.834 --> 00:12:28.484 Then one thing you can taste. 00:12:28.555 --> 00:12:33.725 You can take a sip of water or your coffee or pull out a little piece of hard candy. 00:12:33.820 --> 00:12:38.440 The idea again, is just to really engage with your senses in the present moment. 00:12:38.750 --> 00:12:40.610 The nice thing with this strategy is you can actually 00:12:40.610 --> 00:12:42.470 prepare to use it ahead of time. 00:12:42.470 --> 00:12:48.030 So it's a great thing to do with kids, to have them have a stress box 00:12:48.030 --> 00:12:52.200 or an anxiety box or a calm down box. 00:12:52.205 --> 00:12:56.165 You can make one for yourself too, where maybe you put in postcards of 00:12:56.195 --> 00:13:01.235 beautiful scenery that you like to look at, or you put in a little cotton ball 00:13:01.485 --> 00:13:05.675 with some essential oil on it, or a little container of coffee beans, or 00:13:05.675 --> 00:13:09.665 a little bit of perfume in a container that you can pull out and smell. 00:13:09.665 --> 00:13:14.165 Maybe some hard candies or little bits of chocolate or textures, 00:13:14.165 --> 00:13:16.025 fabrics, things you like to touch. 00:13:16.025 --> 00:13:20.145 If you've got a piece of silky fabric or pair of fuzzy socks. 00:13:20.445 --> 00:13:25.830 You can actually plan that and put that into this kit and take it out when 00:13:25.830 --> 00:13:28.860 you're feeling overwhelmed, feeling stressed, or if you're with a kid 00:13:28.860 --> 00:13:32.880 that's feeling overwhelmed or stressed and let them take out and engage with 00:13:32.880 --> 00:13:36.030 those things and you'll start to see them really calmed down in that moment. 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:39.589 That's a strategy I like if you want something a little bit more structured. 00:13:40.739 --> 00:13:44.609 If you're interested in exploring more of the guided meditation side 00:13:44.609 --> 00:13:50.099 of things, we do offer a call in meditation with Jeffco Public Libraries. 00:13:50.099 --> 00:13:50.819 It's free. 00:13:50.819 --> 00:13:52.529 You don't have to live in Jeffco. 00:13:52.810 --> 00:13:57.940 When I've led it, we had people calling in from Seattle and all over the country. 00:13:58.400 --> 00:13:59.630 You just call that number. 00:13:59.660 --> 00:14:04.100 Thursday is at 10:00 AM and one of our clinicians will take you through 00:14:04.430 --> 00:14:08.640 a guided meditation, which is really helpful 'cause to just sit in silence. 00:14:08.640 --> 00:14:11.240 If you've never meditated before, it's hard to do. 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:12.590 You get distracted. 00:14:12.590 --> 00:14:15.490 It's hard to stay focused on, on what you're doing. 00:14:15.680 --> 00:14:18.980 To have that guided meditation to help bring you back when your mind starts 00:14:18.980 --> 00:14:20.660 to wander can be really helpful. 00:14:21.060 --> 00:14:25.650 Then we also have recordings of those guided meditations on our website. 00:14:25.980 --> 00:14:29.010 The public library has them on their YouTube channel. 00:14:29.410 --> 00:14:33.190 Then you can also find guided meditations on YouTube and lots of different places 00:14:33.190 --> 00:14:37.780 as well, but this is a nice local resource that we offer to the community as well. 00:14:39.410 --> 00:14:43.170 Any questions about mindfulness before we move on to our next section. 00:14:46.950 --> 00:14:47.460 Tom? 00:14:49.790 --> 00:14:55.490 Tom: I've taken a mindfulness class before and I got the impression, or 00:14:55.490 --> 00:15:00.200 maybe I just picked up on one aspect of the teaching was that it's a good 00:15:00.200 --> 00:15:03.530 time to come to grips with yourself. 00:15:03.710 --> 00:15:04.460 In other words. 00:15:05.270 --> 00:15:06.380 Who am I? 00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:07.880 What am I doing here? 00:15:07.880 --> 00:15:14.150 Am I on a path that I like, sort of metaphysical, but big, high level 00:15:14.180 --> 00:15:19.800 questions that forces you to go back over a lot of your whole life. 00:15:20.250 --> 00:15:23.400 It's not something you can do in 10 minutes. 00:15:23.400 --> 00:15:30.560 You need to really focus on it and when I tried that I did find a lot 00:15:30.560 --> 00:15:36.390 of relaxing and my shoulders weren't nearly so tense, that sort of thing. 00:15:36.490 --> 00:15:42.060 For those of you that are all interested, I think Amy's teachings here are valuable. 00:15:43.025 --> 00:15:44.195 Amy Miller: Yeah, absolutely. 00:15:44.710 --> 00:15:46.240 That's what I love about mindfulness. 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:51.400 You could do a quick little deep breathing just to hit the reset button and as we'll 00:15:51.400 --> 00:15:55.500 talk about in the next section, you can really build on that practice and it can 00:15:55.500 --> 00:15:58.290 have just incredibly powerful effects. 00:15:58.340 --> 00:16:01.150 It ties in nicely with resiliency. 00:16:01.490 --> 00:16:05.750 With resiliency, we're really talking about the natural ability we all 00:16:05.750 --> 00:16:08.270 have to bounce back from hardship. 00:16:08.730 --> 00:16:11.970 For some people this comes more naturally than others based on 00:16:12.020 --> 00:16:16.120 their innate temperament or the resources they have available to them. 00:16:16.580 --> 00:16:20.030 But certainly there are things we can do to cultivate resiliency as well. 00:16:20.850 --> 00:16:25.440 With resiliency, there's four key areas that help build our resiliency. 00:16:25.490 --> 00:16:30.410 Mental resiliency, physical resiliency, social and spiritual. 00:16:30.510 --> 00:16:35.340 I'd encourage you to think about one area that you maybe have the biggest 00:16:35.340 --> 00:16:37.290 opportunity to make an impact on. 00:16:37.660 --> 00:16:41.780 Because building up resiliency in any one of these areas will 00:16:41.780 --> 00:16:44.570 impact overall resiliency as well. 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:48.770 We'll talk a little bit more particularly about the spiritual side of resiliency 00:16:48.770 --> 00:16:50.030 and what that really looks like. 00:16:50.210 --> 00:16:53.540 I love to use the work of Dr. Brené Brown. 00:16:53.720 --> 00:16:57.720 She's probably the only famous social worker there is. 00:16:57.770 --> 00:17:02.720 She's a professional hero of mine, but she's a really, a researcher who 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:08.900 studies people and has done a lot of work around resiliency and vulnerability 00:17:09.170 --> 00:17:10.880 and how we connect with one another. 00:17:11.350 --> 00:17:14.440 In her book that's on the screen there, she has a chapter where 00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:20.560 she identifies really the five key features of people who are resilient. 00:17:21.270 --> 00:17:25.290 What her team found is that resilient people tend to be resourceful. 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:30.300 They seek out resources that can help their situation. 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:33.450 They tend to have good problem solving skills and those are 00:17:33.450 --> 00:17:36.610 things we can develop, especially in partnership with others. 00:17:36.610 --> 00:17:39.550 If you have someone in your life who's a good problem solver. 00:17:39.910 --> 00:17:42.760 Reaching out to them to ask for their support and guidance. 00:17:43.390 --> 00:17:44.830 I think this is a really key one. 00:17:44.980 --> 00:17:47.440 Resilient people are more likely to seek help. 00:17:48.170 --> 00:17:51.980 So often I think we feel like we have to suffer in silence or go 00:17:51.980 --> 00:17:56.630 it alone, but seeking out help makes us stronger, literally. 00:17:57.000 --> 00:18:01.550 That's such a key important finding about just how important 00:18:01.550 --> 00:18:04.490 it is to really reach out and ask for help when we're needing it. 00:18:05.810 --> 00:18:10.730 They also have what we call a sense of agency or self-efficacy, where 00:18:10.730 --> 00:18:15.080 they really have that accurate and honest belief that there is something 00:18:15.080 --> 00:18:17.060 they can do to help their situation. 00:18:17.600 --> 00:18:20.720 In really challenging times, it's easy to get overwhelmed and think, 00:18:20.750 --> 00:18:22.130 oh, there's nothing I can do. 00:18:22.130 --> 00:18:23.180 This is hopeless. 00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:28.380 And while we may not be able to fix the entire situation, being able to identify 00:18:28.770 --> 00:18:34.160 one or two things that would make it easier is so helpful in terms of building 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:39.280 our resiliency to have that sense of control and that sense that our actions 00:18:39.280 --> 00:18:42.070 do matter and can have a positive impact. 00:18:43.010 --> 00:18:45.890 Then certainly again, social support is so critical. 00:18:46.110 --> 00:18:51.270 Having people who are available to you and being connected to them regularly 00:18:51.300 --> 00:18:53.700 is also a really key part of resiliency. 00:18:55.360 --> 00:18:59.300 In terms of the different areas of resiliency that 00:18:59.300 --> 00:19:01.190 spirituality or belief system. 00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:05.110 Religion doesn't necessarily equate to spirituality, although 00:19:05.110 --> 00:19:06.400 for many people it does. 00:19:06.740 --> 00:19:10.460 When we're talking about spirituality or a belief system, we're really talking 00:19:10.460 --> 00:19:16.505 about what gives our life meaning and purpose and what helps us keep a healthy 00:19:16.505 --> 00:19:19.355 perspective on ourselves and others. 00:19:19.725 --> 00:19:24.055 Without this sort of belief system of there being something bigger in our lives, 00:19:24.055 --> 00:19:29.185 having meaning and purpose, it's really easy to get overwhelmed by our situation. 00:19:29.585 --> 00:19:32.465 This involves things like living within your values. 00:19:32.735 --> 00:19:35.765 We do this sometimes in therapy as well, going through and helping 00:19:35.765 --> 00:19:37.745 people identify what are your values? 00:19:37.745 --> 00:19:41.375 What are the values that are most important to you, and how are 00:19:41.375 --> 00:19:43.865 you living within those values? 00:19:44.075 --> 00:19:47.795 And maybe how, in what ways are you not living within those values 00:19:48.125 --> 00:19:51.215 that you can start to make those adjustments to in your life? 00:19:51.785 --> 00:19:55.385 What is going on right now that is giving your life meaning and purpose? 00:19:55.515 --> 00:20:00.075 If there isn't much, how can we incorporate things that help give 00:20:00.075 --> 00:20:01.635 your life meaning and purpose? 00:20:01.905 --> 00:20:03.885 That might include things like helping others. 00:20:04.965 --> 00:20:10.005 And again not in a toxic positivity, like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger 00:20:10.005 --> 00:20:16.015 type of way, but in a realistic way is in the midst of a challenging situation 00:20:16.015 --> 00:20:17.965 thinking what am I learning from this? 00:20:18.385 --> 00:20:19.645 What can I take away? 00:20:19.735 --> 00:20:24.485 And you might not be able to do that at the very beginning of a scary health 00:20:24.485 --> 00:20:26.915 diagnosis or the loss of a loved one. 00:20:27.395 --> 00:20:32.685 But keeping that in mind and being able to either do that as you're going through 00:20:33.255 --> 00:20:38.265 that difficult time or as you're starting to move beyond that difficult time. 00:20:38.265 --> 00:20:42.645 Thinking about what it taught you and what your takeaways 00:20:42.645 --> 00:20:44.605 are and how it's changed you. 00:20:44.915 --> 00:20:48.585 That can be a really important way of building that resiliency. 00:20:48.585 --> 00:20:52.495 Recognizing there are things that I learned from this that I can take 00:20:52.495 --> 00:20:54.895 forward with me into future challenges. 00:20:57.650 --> 00:21:00.140 It's also important to cultivate hope. 00:21:00.300 --> 00:21:02.880 This idea of hope is an interesting one 'cause we often 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:04.080 talk about it as a feeling. 00:21:04.080 --> 00:21:08.260 We feel hopeful, but hope is actually a thought process. 00:21:08.650 --> 00:21:12.010 It's how we think about our situation and that's great because it means 00:21:12.070 --> 00:21:13.510 we can change our thought process. 00:21:13.510 --> 00:21:16.750 We don't always have to go with the first thought that pops into our head. 00:21:17.140 --> 00:21:19.610 We can check that thought and see if that's really the 00:21:19.610 --> 00:21:21.080 most accurate or helpful. 00:21:21.610 --> 00:21:25.130 Part of cultivating hope is thinking about realistic goals. 00:21:25.410 --> 00:21:29.100 For this challenging time, if you've got kids that can't go to 00:21:29.100 --> 00:21:32.430 daycare because they're closed because of exposures and you've got 00:21:32.760 --> 00:21:34.680 remote work and there's snow days. 00:21:35.415 --> 00:21:36.915 All these different things going on. 00:21:37.275 --> 00:21:40.185 What's a realistic goal for some self-care? 00:21:40.185 --> 00:21:43.425 Some of these strategies that we're even talking about tonight. 00:21:43.865 --> 00:21:47.375 What are some ways you can incorporate them in a way that doesn't set you 00:21:47.375 --> 00:21:51.715 up for failure because you didn't meet this high arching goal that 00:21:51.715 --> 00:21:53.395 wasn't necessarily realistic. 00:21:54.755 --> 00:21:57.035 Then thinking about ways to achieve those goals. 00:21:57.035 --> 00:22:00.625 What are some of those practical steps I can take to get me 00:22:00.625 --> 00:22:01.795 in that right direction? 00:22:02.285 --> 00:22:04.535 And this key piece about staying flexible. 00:22:04.815 --> 00:22:09.275 If you have a goal that you want to get more exercise or movement in, because it 00:22:09.275 --> 00:22:13.075 feels good when you move your body and you think, okay, I'm going to get up early 00:22:13.775 --> 00:22:15.715 and I'm going to walk on my treadmill. 00:22:16.315 --> 00:22:20.695 And that doesn't happen the next day for whatever reason, to not say, oh, I failed. 00:22:20.725 --> 00:22:22.225 I'm never going to be able to do this. 00:22:22.465 --> 00:22:25.795 But to stay flexible and say, you know what I'm not really a morning person. 00:22:26.125 --> 00:22:28.405 I wonder if I could try it in the afternoon or evening. 00:22:28.815 --> 00:22:33.935 Being able to not identify that learning experience as a failure, but 00:22:33.935 --> 00:22:38.865 as new information that you can take and incorporate into the next trial. 00:22:39.655 --> 00:22:43.105 Again, believing in ourselves, thinking about the hard times you've been 00:22:43.105 --> 00:22:46.375 through before and what did you learn. 00:22:46.375 --> 00:22:50.815 What skills served you well during those challenging times, and which 00:22:50.815 --> 00:22:55.445 of those skills can you use during this time in a challenging situation. 00:22:57.595 --> 00:23:01.075 Another big piece is really thinking critically about all the 00:23:01.075 --> 00:23:02.755 information that's coming at us. 00:23:02.765 --> 00:23:07.025 With media or social media or advertisements. 00:23:07.305 --> 00:23:11.940 There's so much information that we're not good enough the way we are, and if we just 00:23:11.940 --> 00:23:16.380 bought this one product or signed up for this one service, things would be so much 00:23:16.380 --> 00:23:18.510 easier, we would be so much better off. 00:23:19.090 --> 00:23:22.900 It's easy to let that weigh us down and suck the positivity out of our lives. 00:23:22.930 --> 00:23:24.940 Really reality checking those messages. 00:23:24.940 --> 00:23:27.250 There's some questions here on the screen that I really 00:23:27.250 --> 00:23:28.630 like, that I think are helpful. 00:23:28.630 --> 00:23:29.950 Is what I'm seeing real? 00:23:30.290 --> 00:23:34.640 Looking at that family on the happy TV sitcom and thinking, 00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:36.920 oh, my family's so dysfunctional. 00:23:36.920 --> 00:23:41.430 Well is that family on the sitcom really a real family or is it a fantasy? 00:23:41.890 --> 00:23:43.150 Is that really real life? 00:23:43.610 --> 00:23:47.630 For the things I'm seeing, the advertisements the pictures on Instagram. 00:23:47.990 --> 00:23:51.830 Are they really reflecting a healthy way of living for me? 00:23:52.580 --> 00:23:57.410 Or is this something that's trying to turn my life, my family, my body, my 00:23:57.410 --> 00:24:00.440 relationships into objects or commodities? 00:24:00.930 --> 00:24:05.400 I really like this last one, who benefits by my seeing these images 00:24:05.730 --> 00:24:07.500 and feeling bad about myself. 00:24:07.560 --> 00:24:09.690 Is there someone trying to sell me something here? 00:24:09.690 --> 00:24:10.020 Right. 00:24:10.020 --> 00:24:12.780 A lot of it is about the bottom line, the money. 00:24:13.120 --> 00:24:16.120 Really being aware of that 'cause it's easy as we're scrolling, 00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:19.780 scrolling, scrolling, having all these messages coming at us 00:24:20.080 --> 00:24:21.580 to feel like that's real life. 00:24:21.740 --> 00:24:26.390 Often they're either people's highlight reels of an otherwise very complex 00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:28.330 messy life, just like we all have. 00:24:28.780 --> 00:24:31.680 Or it's a message meant to try to sell us something. 00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:34.140 So keeping that in mind is important too. 00:24:36.100 --> 00:24:41.160 Then another key piece is being mindful of behaviors that we may 00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:43.980 use to numb our negative emotions. 00:24:44.320 --> 00:24:51.885 Things like alcohol, cannabis, eating too much binge watching Netflix, right. 00:24:52.245 --> 00:24:55.470 There's nothing wrong with a glass of wine if you don't have a substance 00:24:55.470 --> 00:24:57.510 use concern or watching Netflix. 00:24:57.510 --> 00:25:01.080 Those are all perfectly fine and even healthy things. 00:25:01.560 --> 00:25:06.690 But if we're using those behaviors to try to avoid feeling our negative emotions, 00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:08.550 that's where we're in dangerous territory. 00:25:08.980 --> 00:25:12.130 Sometimes it's just too much and we just need a break so that we can come 00:25:12.130 --> 00:25:14.230 back and deal with the emotions later. 00:25:14.680 --> 00:25:18.520 But if we're constantly engaging in those behaviors in a way that we're 00:25:19.105 --> 00:25:23.305 not allowing ourselves the time or space to ever feel those feelings. 00:25:23.815 --> 00:25:27.235 That's where some of those behaviors can really start to spiral in 00:25:27.235 --> 00:25:29.095 really negative and unhealthy ways. 00:25:29.575 --> 00:25:33.065 When those difficult emotions arise it's easy to feel like they're 00:25:33.065 --> 00:25:37.685 going to be so overwhelming that we won't be able to bear them. 00:25:37.685 --> 00:25:42.725 But really, if you can set aside the time and space and use some of the 00:25:42.725 --> 00:25:48.805 coping strategies of mindfulness, of deep breathing, of allowing yourself to just 00:25:48.835 --> 00:25:54.565 observe the emotions but not engage with the emotions, not feed them with other 00:25:54.565 --> 00:25:56.635 thoughts about the negative feelings. 00:25:57.005 --> 00:26:00.785 If we can just be present with them and breathe through them and let ourselves 00:26:00.785 --> 00:26:03.605 feel them, they will typically pass. 00:26:04.485 --> 00:26:08.505 A lot of it is about tolerating those negative feelings until they pass. 00:26:08.905 --> 00:26:11.755 Especially with things like toxic positivity, we feel 00:26:11.755 --> 00:26:13.285 like we should never feel bad. 00:26:13.555 --> 00:26:14.725 We should never feel sad. 00:26:14.725 --> 00:26:15.895 We should never feel stressed. 00:26:15.895 --> 00:26:17.575 That means we're doing something wrong. 00:26:17.575 --> 00:26:21.445 Those advertisements over here are going to try to sell us something, but rather 00:26:21.445 --> 00:26:26.795 understanding that negative emotions are part of everyone's human experience, and 00:26:26.795 --> 00:26:32.110 we have to allow ourselves to feel them and move through them to get beyond them. 00:26:32.290 --> 00:26:36.190 Because if we just shove them down and try to numb ourselves out with working 00:26:36.190 --> 00:26:42.950 too much, or watching three seasons of the office in one night, that's really 00:26:43.010 --> 00:26:45.510 where we get into problematic territory. 00:26:45.560 --> 00:26:50.780 Resilient people will allow themselves to feel their emotions, staying mindful 00:26:50.780 --> 00:26:54.590 about how they're using those numbing behaviors and really lean into the 00:26:54.590 --> 00:26:58.850 discomfort because when we allow ourselves to feel those feelings, we can process 00:26:58.850 --> 00:27:02.870 them, we can move through them, and then get to a place where we're ready 00:27:02.870 --> 00:27:08.600 to engage in more of the positivity and gratitude in an authentic and helpful way. 00:27:11.390 --> 00:27:12.860 Any questions about that? 00:27:18.215 --> 00:27:18.725 Okay. 00:27:19.725 --> 00:27:23.295 We're going to move in now into talking about some strategies 00:27:23.295 --> 00:27:24.825 for coping with stress. 00:27:25.465 --> 00:27:30.055 What we're talking about here is the stress cycle or the stress response. 00:27:30.395 --> 00:27:34.385 There's different strategies at different points in the stressful 00:27:34.385 --> 00:27:38.885 experience that you can take to help manage it and move through it. 00:27:39.375 --> 00:27:43.955 Just like moving through negative emotions is a necessary part of the process. 00:27:43.955 --> 00:27:50.045 We also have to help our bodies move through the stress cycle because stress 00:27:50.045 --> 00:27:53.555 is part of all of our experiences, but it's when we get stuck in the 00:27:53.555 --> 00:27:58.625 stress cycle that we start to have that distress and it starts to really 00:27:58.625 --> 00:28:00.725 have a negative impact on our life. 00:28:02.120 --> 00:28:07.190 We start with the ways to manage the actual stress or at the top of that cycle. 00:28:07.190 --> 00:28:10.490 How can we limit the amount of stress coming into our lives? 00:28:11.150 --> 00:28:15.080 How can we stay mindful during the stressful experience and not 00:28:15.180 --> 00:28:18.690 engage in some of those numbing behaviors or avoidance behaviors? 00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:22.890 How can we take action to deal with the stress and the stress 00:28:22.890 --> 00:28:24.870 response within our body? 00:28:24.870 --> 00:28:28.440 Those hormones like cortisol and adrenaline that get 00:28:28.440 --> 00:28:30.330 released during stressful times. 00:28:30.630 --> 00:28:32.730 How can we rest and recover? 00:28:33.220 --> 00:28:37.400 Then how can we restore ourselves and engage in some of those 00:28:37.850 --> 00:28:42.510 playful and purposeful activities that replenish our energy stores? 00:28:42.560 --> 00:28:45.915 We'll talk about each one in a little bit more depth, starting with the stressor. 00:28:47.085 --> 00:28:50.385 Some different strategies for limiting the amount of stress 00:28:50.385 --> 00:28:51.735 that comes into our lives. 00:28:52.045 --> 00:28:52.795 This is a big one. 00:28:52.945 --> 00:28:57.445 We talk about this with almost all of our clients, but limiting the amount of 00:28:57.445 --> 00:29:02.065 time on social media, limiting the amount of time you spend watching the news. 00:29:02.315 --> 00:29:07.275 Limiting how many negative messages you're allowing into your 00:29:07.275 --> 00:29:09.305 space and into your experience. 00:29:09.305 --> 00:29:13.435 That's a really key part is being mindful of the information you're consuming. 00:29:13.835 --> 00:29:16.595 It might also look like lowering expectations. 00:29:16.735 --> 00:29:22.025 If you've got a kid who's at home because the daycare shut down, this is maybe not 00:29:22.205 --> 00:29:26.555 the week for a home cooked meal every night and a perfectly organized house. 00:29:26.865 --> 00:29:31.365 Maybe things are just going to be a little bit more chaotic and that's okay. 00:29:31.495 --> 00:29:36.025 Letting that be okay and recognizing that it's a part of the season we're in, but 00:29:36.025 --> 00:29:37.795 it doesn't have to be that way forever. 00:29:38.045 --> 00:29:41.395 You don't have to put that pressure on yourself to be working 00:29:41.395 --> 00:29:43.315 at a 10 out of 10 all the time. 00:29:43.315 --> 00:29:47.495 What are some of your own internal expectations you can let go of, or 00:29:47.495 --> 00:29:49.295 at least reduce for the time being? 00:29:50.495 --> 00:29:51.545 Setting boundaries. 00:29:51.915 --> 00:29:53.745 Saying no to people. 00:29:53.745 --> 00:29:54.585 It's really hard. 00:29:54.585 --> 00:29:59.335 We want to say yes and be helpful, but if we over commit and add to 00:29:59.335 --> 00:30:02.465 that stress cycle we're really not going to be able to benefit 00:30:02.465 --> 00:30:04.325 people in the way we would want to. 00:30:04.325 --> 00:30:07.705 Thinking about what do I really have the time for commitment for? 00:30:08.065 --> 00:30:09.315 What brings me joy? 00:30:09.345 --> 00:30:13.945 What things do I get a some energy back from saying yes to, 00:30:14.215 --> 00:30:15.775 and what things really drain me? 00:30:16.525 --> 00:30:19.855 What things do I dread doing that maybe I can let go of? 00:30:20.315 --> 00:30:23.825 That mindfulness piece can be helpful about how is this actually making 00:30:23.825 --> 00:30:25.835 me feel to say yes to this person? 00:30:25.835 --> 00:30:28.475 How do I feel when I actually go to that thing and show up? 00:30:28.935 --> 00:30:32.505 If it's not adding to your life in a positive way. 00:30:33.165 --> 00:30:35.655 Seeing if that's something you can potentially let go of. 00:30:35.715 --> 00:30:39.865 We can't always, but if we can let go of the things that other people are 00:30:39.865 --> 00:30:43.565 able to pick up because it's a passion of theirs or they've been looking for 00:30:43.565 --> 00:30:47.595 an opportunity to grow in that area, that can be a benefit for everyone. 00:30:48.445 --> 00:30:51.115 With substances, we want to be mindful 'cause use of too much can 00:30:51.115 --> 00:30:55.735 actually add negative consequences and additional stress into our lives. 00:30:56.585 --> 00:31:00.155 Then being mindful of what we can control and what we can't control. 00:31:00.155 --> 00:31:03.725 I think the past two years have really been a crash course in that. 00:31:03.725 --> 00:31:06.675 So that acceptance of this is not something I'm going to be 00:31:06.675 --> 00:31:08.295 able to fix and that's okay. 00:31:08.595 --> 00:31:10.035 I don't have to fix this. 00:31:10.365 --> 00:31:13.395 I can maybe do things to make it a little easier on myself, but I 00:31:13.395 --> 00:31:17.685 don't have to fix the situation or I can't fix the situation. 00:31:17.975 --> 00:31:20.645 There can really be some freedom in that as well. 00:31:22.410 --> 00:31:24.480 That's managing the incoming stress. 00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:29.620 Then while we're in the stressful event, mindfulness strategies to engage in. 00:31:29.620 --> 00:31:33.710 All the things we talked about before, but certainly things like journaling. 00:31:33.710 --> 00:31:38.290 Journaling is a great strategy, especially for that anxiety type of stress. 00:31:38.290 --> 00:31:41.870 Getting it all out on paper is wonderful in so many ways. 00:31:41.870 --> 00:31:45.840 Partially because if you're writing with pen and paper, we can't write 00:31:46.110 --> 00:31:51.600 as quickly as we think and so physically forces us to slow down our 00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:55.590 thoughts and helps us process those thoughts and reality check them. 00:31:55.590 --> 00:31:56.850 Is this actually accurate? 00:31:56.850 --> 00:32:00.840 Is this helpful or is this my anxiety chattering in my ear over here? 00:32:00.910 --> 00:32:03.070 We can help start to make those distinctions. 00:32:03.600 --> 00:32:08.580 Certainly things like meditation, even a quick body scan of just going from head 00:32:08.580 --> 00:32:12.660 to toe and noticing if there's anywhere you're holding tension that you might be 00:32:12.660 --> 00:32:16.950 able to release, or any muscles that feel tight that you might be able to stretch. 00:32:17.640 --> 00:32:21.570 That's a great quick mindfulness strategy just to release some 00:32:21.570 --> 00:32:22.770 of that pressure in the moment. 00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:30.810 Deep breathing is probably one of the easiest, most accessible ways to release 00:32:31.080 --> 00:32:34.060 stress with our flight or fight response. 00:32:34.280 --> 00:32:40.130 Our body wants to take in oxygen so we have the energy to run away or fight 00:32:40.130 --> 00:32:43.010 off the predator that's coming at us. 00:32:43.010 --> 00:32:45.750 It's a very evolutionary benefit. 00:32:46.150 --> 00:32:51.160 The only way to override that physically is to take longer exhales. 00:32:52.180 --> 00:32:57.355 When we're in flight or fight, we're breathing in very quickly and not exhaling 00:32:57.355 --> 00:33:04.055 very much so to take long, slow exhales will help reset our brain, get us out 00:33:04.055 --> 00:33:09.335 of fight or flight, get us back into the rest and digest system, and help get our 00:33:09.335 --> 00:33:11.775 frontal lobes in our brain back online. 00:33:11.775 --> 00:33:16.750 Those are our executive functioning, our problem solving, organization, 00:33:16.750 --> 00:33:18.310 communication skills, right. 00:33:18.310 --> 00:33:22.550 They're all up here, and by taking some deep breaths will help us get back 00:33:22.550 --> 00:33:26.300 into that system where we're able to function a little bit more effectively. 00:33:26.300 --> 00:33:30.680 A strategy I like to use is square breathing, and it's 00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:31.880 really straightforward. 00:33:31.880 --> 00:33:37.910 The idea is you breathe in for four counts and then you hold it for four counts, 00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:41.300 and then you exhale for eight counts. 00:33:41.925 --> 00:33:44.305 You have to control your exhale. 00:33:44.305 --> 00:33:48.235 You don't want to let it all out in one big breath, but having that 00:33:48.235 --> 00:33:53.155 long controlled exhale helps get you back into the rest and digest and 00:33:53.155 --> 00:33:55.315 deactivates the flight or fight response. 00:33:55.365 --> 00:33:58.825 We'll just do three of those quick breaths together and I just invite 00:33:58.825 --> 00:34:02.015 you to notice what that's like for you, especially afterwards. 00:34:02.065 --> 00:34:04.030 Let's take a few deep breaths together. 00:34:04.030 --> 00:34:09.100 So let's breathe in for four in 2, 3, 4. 00:34:09.490 --> 00:34:14.140 Hold, 2, 3, 4, and out, 00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:20.650 5, 6, 7, 8. 00:34:21.340 --> 00:34:22.300 In through the nose. 00:34:22.690 --> 00:34:36.280 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, breathe out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 00:34:36.835 --> 00:34:40.315 In 2, 3, 4. 00:34:40.825 --> 00:34:51.390 Hold, 2, 3, 4, and out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 00:34:53.695 --> 00:34:57.405 Anyone want to share how they feel after just about 30 00:34:57.405 --> 00:34:59.475 seconds of that deep breathing? 00:34:59.475 --> 00:35:00.975 Has anyone noticed a difference? 00:35:03.585 --> 00:35:04.725 Angie: I think it's relaxing. 00:35:05.385 --> 00:35:06.405 Amy Miller: Yeah, absolutely. 00:35:08.595 --> 00:35:09.555 Tom: Almost sleepy. 00:35:10.200 --> 00:35:11.880 Amy Miller: I know, I know. 00:35:11.990 --> 00:35:16.670 It's seven 15 and we're relaxing, we're going to go to sleep here pretty soon. 00:35:16.850 --> 00:35:18.740 But yeah, absolutely. 00:35:18.740 --> 00:35:23.360 It definitely does help just kinda release some of that stress 00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:26.750 and anxiety and help bring that energy level down in a good way. 00:35:26.780 --> 00:35:29.000 There's a lot of different ways you can do deep breathing. 00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:35.050 Some do a 4, 7, 8, but the main thing is to make the exhale longer than the 00:35:35.050 --> 00:35:38.440 inhale and you can build up to that. 00:35:38.490 --> 00:35:42.520 If you can't breathe out for quite that long, do as long as you can 00:35:42.520 --> 00:35:45.980 and try to build up to having the exhale be longer than the inhale. 00:35:47.730 --> 00:35:50.970 Another important strategy is self-compassion. 00:35:51.130 --> 00:35:56.530 This is the one where we try not to beat ourselves up for being human. 00:35:56.580 --> 00:36:01.770 It's natural after snapping at the kids or our partner or screwing 00:36:01.770 --> 00:36:05.880 up a project at work to want to punish ourselves to beat ourselves 00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:07.590 up and say, oh, that was so stupid. 00:36:07.590 --> 00:36:08.850 How could you have done that? 00:36:08.900 --> 00:36:12.590 With self-compassion, we're really talking about treating ourselves the 00:36:12.590 --> 00:36:14.750 way we would treat our best friend. 00:36:14.910 --> 00:36:18.480 If our best friend messed up at work, hopefully we would not be 00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:22.055 telling them, you're so stupid, you're going to get fired. 00:36:22.205 --> 00:36:23.915 Why haven't they fired you yet? 00:36:24.075 --> 00:36:26.205 We would not want to talk to our best friend that way. 00:36:26.595 --> 00:36:28.725 So we don't want to talk to ourselves that way either. 00:36:28.725 --> 00:36:32.215 So being compassionate to ourselves of, you're stressed, you've got 00:36:32.215 --> 00:36:36.585 a lot going on, it's natural, it happens, nobody's perfect. 00:36:37.045 --> 00:36:41.645 Then thinking about that self-efficacy, that sense of agency piece of 00:36:41.645 --> 00:36:42.905 what can I do to make it right? 00:36:43.535 --> 00:36:47.035 So being kind to yourself and then taking some steps to 00:36:47.555 --> 00:36:48.995 correct it, to make it right. 00:36:50.925 --> 00:36:55.155 Those are the mindfulness strategies and then the action steps we can take to help 00:36:55.155 --> 00:36:58.245 our bodies really process the stress. 00:36:58.555 --> 00:37:01.765 What happens when we're stressed and in that flight or fight response 00:37:02.155 --> 00:37:06.595 is that our body releases all sorts of hormones, cortisol, adrenaline. 00:37:06.785 --> 00:37:10.225 It increases our heart rate and our breathing and it 00:37:10.225 --> 00:37:11.485 gets us ready for a fight. 00:37:11.555 --> 00:37:15.655 The thing is, most of us are not fighting off saber tooth tigers anymore. 00:37:15.985 --> 00:37:20.905 The way this was helpful as an evolutionary response, but now the stress 00:37:20.905 --> 00:37:25.405 is coming as work deadlines or family conflict or different things like that. 00:37:25.405 --> 00:37:31.525 But our body still needs a physical signal to understand that we're not under threat. 00:37:32.435 --> 00:37:35.225 There are things we need to do to connect physically with our 00:37:35.225 --> 00:37:39.665 body, to help us process and move through that stress response. 00:37:39.675 --> 00:37:41.175 Talking to someone, right? 00:37:41.175 --> 00:37:44.385 If we're sitting around chatting with a neighbor, we probably don't 00:37:44.385 --> 00:37:48.405 have a saber tooth tiger chasing us. 00:37:48.685 --> 00:37:51.835 Having a quick social connection with someone helps the body realize, 00:37:51.865 --> 00:37:53.395 okay, someone else is there. 00:37:53.605 --> 00:37:54.895 They're talking, they're safe. 00:37:55.355 --> 00:37:57.785 It could be reaching out and calling a friend or family member. 00:37:57.785 --> 00:38:01.095 It could even be as simple as taking a quick drive down to a Starbucks 00:38:01.095 --> 00:38:04.215 or the grocery store and having a little chat with the cashier or 00:38:04.265 --> 00:38:05.795 the barista who makes your drink. 00:38:05.825 --> 00:38:07.625 A quick talk of, Hey, how's your day going? 00:38:07.625 --> 00:38:08.345 How's it been? 00:38:08.675 --> 00:38:13.355 Even a simple moment of connection like that can help our brains realize, 00:38:13.385 --> 00:38:15.095 okay, I can take it down a notch. 00:38:15.245 --> 00:38:16.475 I can relax a little bit. 00:38:17.285 --> 00:38:20.675 If there's something stressful going on, if you've got that work deadline, maybe 00:38:20.675 --> 00:38:25.345 it's creating a work plan step by step for what you're going to do and setting some 00:38:25.405 --> 00:38:30.225 kind of goalposts for when you're going to complete that by, or if you know you hurt 00:38:30.225 --> 00:38:34.555 someone intentionally or unintentionally because you were overwhelmed, taking 00:38:34.555 --> 00:38:37.975 the steps to make that right and make an apology, things like that. 00:38:39.355 --> 00:38:40.495 A really big one. 00:38:40.525 --> 00:38:44.215 Really the most effective way, especially when it comes to that adrenaline 00:38:44.215 --> 00:38:46.075 and cortisol, is to move your body. 00:38:46.165 --> 00:38:50.805 Because when we're stressed and that fight or flight is activated our body's saying, 00:38:50.805 --> 00:38:55.705 you need to fight, or run out of there, or you gotta take action and if we're 00:38:55.705 --> 00:38:59.305 just sitting at our laptop and that's our stress, we never get that signal 00:38:59.305 --> 00:39:01.405 that, yep, I fought off that predator. 00:39:01.975 --> 00:39:03.835 Yep, I ran away and now I'm safe. 00:39:04.295 --> 00:39:07.415 It doesn't have to be an hour long grind session at the gym. 00:39:07.415 --> 00:39:10.145 It could be taking a walk for five or 10 minutes. 00:39:10.145 --> 00:39:15.005 It could be doing what we call bilateral movement where left, right, left, right. 00:39:15.005 --> 00:39:20.575 Anything that engages that cross section of your body is really impactful. 00:39:20.605 --> 00:39:22.645 That's why walking is so helpful because you're doing the 00:39:22.645 --> 00:39:24.775 bilateral left, right, left right. 00:39:25.275 --> 00:39:31.090 It could even be some simple stretches or even just imagining moving your 00:39:31.090 --> 00:39:34.520 body, doing some guided imagery, especially if you have physical 00:39:34.520 --> 00:39:38.520 limitations, that can be a great way to make that movement more accessible. 00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:42.810 Communicating your needs, telling people what you need. 00:39:42.870 --> 00:39:45.450 Hey, it would be really helpful if you could pick up dinner this 00:39:45.450 --> 00:39:49.120 week, or if I could push that deadline back a week, right. 00:39:50.185 --> 00:39:53.515 Feeling comfortable to advocate for yourself and tell people what you need. 00:39:53.635 --> 00:39:57.235 Journaling's another good one again, making sure we're taking 00:39:57.235 --> 00:39:59.245 care of our physical body. 00:39:59.585 --> 00:40:00.365 Are we eating? 00:40:00.365 --> 00:40:01.175 Are we drinking? 00:40:01.175 --> 00:40:02.075 Are we sleeping? 00:40:02.075 --> 00:40:03.155 Are we resting? 00:40:03.245 --> 00:40:06.755 Those are things that are often really easy to overlook 'cause they aren't things 00:40:06.755 --> 00:40:09.105 we do when we're under physical threat. 00:40:09.975 --> 00:40:14.175 So attending to those needs, letting ourselves cry if we need to. 00:40:14.175 --> 00:40:19.335 If there's been a lot going on, we need to often let that pressure out so it doesn't 00:40:19.335 --> 00:40:24.795 keep building and building and with crying the trick is really to let yourself cry, 00:40:24.795 --> 00:40:27.405 but again, not to feed the thoughts. 00:40:27.455 --> 00:40:30.835 Not to tell yourself a story about the crying or to think about even why 00:40:30.835 --> 00:40:36.160 you're crying, but to let yourself cry and stay mindful, stay noticed. 00:40:36.160 --> 00:40:37.720 Notice the tears on your face. 00:40:37.720 --> 00:40:40.270 Notice the snot dripping outta your nose, right? 00:40:40.270 --> 00:40:45.160 Pay attention to the physical sensations, but don't feed it with additional thoughts 00:40:45.520 --> 00:40:50.050 and if you can kinda stay focused in that physical sensation of crying, you usually 00:40:50.050 --> 00:40:52.720 move it through in a few minutes actually. 00:40:53.120 --> 00:40:56.240 Some people are afraid to let themselves cry 'cause they feel like if they let 00:40:56.240 --> 00:40:57.740 themselves go, they'll never stop. 00:40:58.190 --> 00:41:01.790 But if you don't feed the crying with additional thoughts, it can be a great 00:41:01.790 --> 00:41:03.380 way to release some of that pressure. 00:41:04.260 --> 00:41:06.480 Then creative expression is a great one too. 00:41:06.870 --> 00:41:13.990 So can you sing, draw, paint, cook a meal, something that 00:41:13.990 --> 00:41:16.090 feels creative, write a story. 00:41:16.370 --> 00:41:18.950 But engage in something creative because again, those aren't things 00:41:18.950 --> 00:41:20.240 we do when we're under threat. 00:41:20.240 --> 00:41:24.290 Doing something creative signals to your brain that you're okay. 00:41:24.390 --> 00:41:28.270 The brain can let the body relax, and you get bonus points for 00:41:28.270 --> 00:41:31.960 singing because you also have to exhale longer than you inhale. 00:41:32.080 --> 00:41:36.110 So you get the benefit of the music, of the creative expression and 00:41:36.160 --> 00:41:39.340 that breath work that's naturally built into producing music. 00:41:41.450 --> 00:41:42.620 Then it's important to rest. 00:41:42.620 --> 00:41:46.280 If we've been through something stressful, we have to let ourselves rest and recover. 00:41:46.330 --> 00:41:48.280 This could be taking breaks from the news. 00:41:48.280 --> 00:41:52.480 During the Marshall Fires, we were very close to the evacuation zone 00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:55.270 and I just said at a certain point we have to turn off the news. 00:41:55.270 --> 00:41:56.470 This is just too much. 00:41:56.470 --> 00:41:59.140 Taking breaks and being mindful about what you're consuming. 00:41:59.500 --> 00:42:03.980 Good sleep hygiene techniques of cutting back on the caffeine, avoiding 00:42:03.980 --> 00:42:06.140 scrolling on the phone right before bed. 00:42:06.290 --> 00:42:09.110 Some of those things that if you Google sleep hygiene, there's lots 00:42:09.110 --> 00:42:10.580 of good information out there. 00:42:11.010 --> 00:42:13.380 Ways to help yourself get good restorative sleep. 00:42:13.810 --> 00:42:16.240 Rest can also be finding a healthy mental escape. 00:42:16.430 --> 00:42:21.730 That could be picking up a book or watching a TV show in a purposeful 00:42:21.730 --> 00:42:26.950 way, not a kind of numbing out kind of way, but it can be a form of rest to 00:42:26.950 --> 00:42:31.000 let your brain just take a break from what's going on in the current situation. 00:42:32.990 --> 00:42:36.020 Restoring with some play and purpose. 00:42:36.370 --> 00:42:37.720 Finding ways to laugh. 00:42:37.810 --> 00:42:41.770 Laughter is a key one, especially if you can laugh with other people. 00:42:41.770 --> 00:42:46.550 Calling up a friend and telling that story that just makes you laugh out loud 00:42:46.550 --> 00:42:48.590 and go into stitches every single time. 00:42:48.870 --> 00:42:53.180 That's a great way to release stress and bring back that joy. 00:42:54.150 --> 00:42:58.770 Spending time in nature, doing something creative, trying something new. 00:42:58.830 --> 00:43:02.080 You know, over the past two years, so many of our outside 00:43:02.080 --> 00:43:04.000 experiences have been so limited. 00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:09.220 So trying a new recipe or going out to a new restaurant or even taking a drive to 00:43:09.220 --> 00:43:14.120 a different part of town can really engage the brain in new and fun and innovative 00:43:14.120 --> 00:43:16.800 ways that help restore and replenish us. 00:43:17.560 --> 00:43:22.750 If you're feeling like really in a funk or really stressed out, one of the best 00:43:22.750 --> 00:43:25.070 things is tackle something manageable. 00:43:25.070 --> 00:43:28.230 Maybe it's that closet in the hallway that every time you open 00:43:28.230 --> 00:43:29.460 the door stuff falls on you. 00:43:29.910 --> 00:43:33.830 Taking the time to declutter it and organize it can help you have 00:43:33.830 --> 00:43:38.030 that sense of achievement, sense of accomplishment, sense of self-efficacy, 00:43:38.030 --> 00:43:41.660 that, yep, I can do things and have a positive result in the world. 00:43:42.600 --> 00:43:45.270 Then finding a way to contribute to the good in the world. 00:43:45.350 --> 00:43:49.420 That's such a key strategy for helping us to remind ourselves that there is good 00:43:49.420 --> 00:43:51.550 in the world 'cause we're embodying that. 00:43:51.860 --> 00:43:55.970 Then being able to see the benefits of our effort and then the positive effect it has 00:43:55.970 --> 00:43:58.930 on us can be so incredibly restorative. 00:44:00.920 --> 00:44:03.590 Other thoughts about this stress cycle. 00:44:03.770 --> 00:44:05.770 Things you might want to try. 00:44:06.100 --> 00:44:09.540 The other thing with play and purpose that I always say is if you don't 00:44:09.630 --> 00:44:12.930 have anything in your life that feels playful, that's very common. 00:44:12.930 --> 00:44:15.740 It's easy for this to get to the bottom of the to-do list. 00:44:16.140 --> 00:44:18.720 Think about the things you like to do as a kid. 00:44:18.770 --> 00:44:19.430 I like to say. 00:44:19.430 --> 00:44:23.150 Think about the things you enjoy doing before you learn to 00:44:23.150 --> 00:44:25.280 be self-conscious about them. 00:44:26.220 --> 00:44:27.240 If you love to dance. 00:44:27.540 --> 00:44:28.020 Dance. 00:44:28.020 --> 00:44:31.200 You don't have to do it in front of anyone, but let yourself dance. 00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:32.220 Let yourself sing. 00:44:32.220 --> 00:44:36.120 So often society tells us we have to be good at something to do it. 00:44:36.530 --> 00:44:41.180 It's not a job, it's not a performance, it's a form of expression. 00:44:41.210 --> 00:44:43.655 Is there something you could bring back into your life that 00:44:43.705 --> 00:44:47.515 brings you joy you just have felt too self-conscious to do that. 00:44:47.515 --> 00:44:51.545 Those are some ways you can key into things that might feel 00:44:51.545 --> 00:44:53.285 more playful, more restorative. 00:44:53.335 --> 00:44:57.235 Any questions or ideas on how you might implement this, Tom? 00:44:57.235 --> 00:44:57.475 Yeah. 00:44:57.835 --> 00:45:01.735 Tom: I find singing in the shower to be very liberating. 00:45:02.130 --> 00:45:02.350 Angie: Yes. 00:45:02.640 --> 00:45:07.645 Tom: Then my wife tells me how bad I sing and I ignore her. 00:45:07.645 --> 00:45:08.725 I just keep singing. 00:45:08.965 --> 00:45:09.325 Amy Miller: Yeah. 00:45:10.045 --> 00:45:11.365 Tom: Simple things work. 00:45:13.915 --> 00:45:15.565 Amy Miller: Yeah, absolutely. 00:45:15.715 --> 00:45:15.895 Yeah. 00:45:16.675 --> 00:45:16.705 I love it. 00:45:16.915 --> 00:45:20.125 Yeah, we don't have to be good at it to be deserving of it. 00:45:20.225 --> 00:45:23.675 You're allowed to do it badly, especially if it brings you joy. 00:45:23.675 --> 00:45:30.155 The point is not to put on performance worthy of the Becher Center Red Rocks. 00:45:30.155 --> 00:45:34.415 It's about doing something that restores you because you enjoy it. 00:45:34.545 --> 00:45:38.145 Some other resources if you're interested in exploring more 00:45:38.145 --> 00:45:39.825 after our presentation tonight. 00:45:40.155 --> 00:45:42.525 These are some books I really love In particular, the 00:45:42.525 --> 00:45:44.265 burnout book is really great. 00:45:44.655 --> 00:45:48.345 It's really, written for people who are experiencing professional 00:45:48.345 --> 00:45:50.115 burnout or burnout in their lives. 00:45:50.165 --> 00:45:54.215 Burnout being when that stress just continues and continues and wears us 00:45:54.250 --> 00:45:59.145 down to the point where we find ourselves having a lack of empathy, just a lack 00:45:59.145 --> 00:46:02.685 of caring, feeling like nothing we do is ever going to make a difference. 00:46:03.345 --> 00:46:07.025 If you're in that spot or even if you're not in that spot the 00:46:07.025 --> 00:46:08.835 burnout book is really fantastic. 00:46:08.835 --> 00:46:12.135 It is written pretty specifically for women, but there's strategies 00:46:12.225 --> 00:46:13.785 in there that anyone can use. 00:46:14.275 --> 00:46:18.295 We also have great information, resource sheets on our website. 00:46:19.045 --> 00:46:20.665 We have recorded webinars. 00:46:20.665 --> 00:46:23.815 We're planning to put this webinar up on our website as well. 00:46:24.155 --> 00:46:26.155 We've got taming the Anxious Mind. 00:46:26.465 --> 00:46:29.915 One specifically on mindfulness and meditation if you're wanting to 00:46:29.915 --> 00:46:31.565 explore that a little bit further. 00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:35.380 Tips for getting out of a funk and lots of other things. 00:46:35.380 --> 00:46:36.700 Parenting classes. 00:46:36.700 --> 00:46:39.310 I've got one on decluttering and hoarding disorder. 00:46:39.550 --> 00:46:41.080 There's all sorts of information on there. 00:46:41.090 --> 00:46:41.900 It's really great. 00:46:41.900 --> 00:46:43.430 I'd encourage you to check those out. 00:46:44.220 --> 00:46:48.650 Those are great strategies to use on your own, but I'd encourage you, if 00:46:48.860 --> 00:46:53.490 those self-help strategies aren't giving you quite enough relief, would be a 00:46:53.490 --> 00:46:55.260 good time to seek out extra support. 00:46:55.290 --> 00:46:58.890 Similarly, if you have a really hard time saying no, setting boundaries 00:46:58.890 --> 00:47:02.250 with others, definitely a good time to bring in a support person. 00:47:02.650 --> 00:47:06.500 If you're experiencing some mental health symptoms that are really causing 00:47:06.500 --> 00:47:11.260 you a lot of distress or giving you trouble in your relationships or at work, 00:47:11.530 --> 00:47:13.270 that's an important time to reach out. 00:47:14.050 --> 00:47:16.780 Even if you just feel like it would be helpful to talk to someone 00:47:16.810 --> 00:47:18.430 that's a perfectly valid reason. 00:47:18.430 --> 00:47:23.410 It can be so helpful just to have that objective outside party to bring 00:47:23.410 --> 00:47:25.400 a little perspective into your life. 00:47:26.120 --> 00:47:29.480 But certainly, certainly, certainly if you're having any thoughts of 00:47:29.480 --> 00:47:33.680 self harm or suicide, we encourage you to reach out right away and get 00:47:33.680 --> 00:47:35.980 connected to some support and services. 00:47:36.030 --> 00:47:38.790 There's lots of places you can go to seek out help. 00:47:38.840 --> 00:47:42.950 Often your primary care physician can provide some information, 00:47:42.950 --> 00:47:44.660 make a referral for counseling. 00:47:44.930 --> 00:47:47.890 They might be able to provide some initial medications to try 00:47:47.890 --> 00:47:51.040 to see if that's helpful for things like depression or anxiety. 00:47:51.470 --> 00:47:55.270 Your insurance provider usually has a list of providers in network that 00:47:55.270 --> 00:47:57.430 can offer behavioral health services. 00:47:57.910 --> 00:48:02.830 Colorado Crisis Services is free available 24/7 open to everyone. 00:48:03.140 --> 00:48:09.240 That number (844) 493-8255 is staffed 24/7. 00:48:09.260 --> 00:48:11.120 That's our statewide crisis line. 00:48:11.490 --> 00:48:15.180 We are moving to 988 that did get approved through legislation. 00:48:15.180 --> 00:48:19.080 So just like you can call 911 for emergencies, you will be able to call 00:48:19.080 --> 00:48:22.890 988 for mental health emergencies, but we're not quite there yet. 00:48:22.940 --> 00:48:24.320 That's a good local number. 00:48:24.630 --> 00:48:29.590 Staffed 24 hours a day, as is our walk-in center, which is just south of I-70 00:48:29.610 --> 00:48:31.710 on Wadsworth Boulevard in Wheat Ridge. 00:48:31.890 --> 00:48:33.720 That has been open throughout the pandemic. 00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:37.870 You can walk in 24 hours a day if you or someone you know concerned and 00:48:37.870 --> 00:48:39.310 you're needing someone to talk to. 00:48:40.220 --> 00:48:43.610 If your employer offers an employee assistance program, that can be a 00:48:43.610 --> 00:48:45.410 great way to get access to counseling. 00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:49.540 Then there are different websites like Psychology Today that have listings 00:48:49.569 --> 00:48:52.839 of mental health professionals and you can view different profiles and 00:48:52.839 --> 00:48:56.569 find someone who's a good fit for you based on insurance and what you're 00:48:56.629 --> 00:48:58.129 looking for in terms of support. 00:48:58.579 --> 00:49:01.939 But certainly us at Jefferson Center, we are here as well. 00:49:01.939 --> 00:49:03.109 We serve everyone. 00:49:03.659 --> 00:49:08.379 The whole age spectrum from children to older adults, families, individuals 00:49:08.709 --> 00:49:12.039 with a lot of different services, both mental health treatment as 00:49:12.039 --> 00:49:15.179 well as more of these wellness and education programs as well too. 00:49:16.539 --> 00:49:19.329 Our speakers bureau is available if you'd like us to come 00:49:19.329 --> 00:49:20.829 out and present on a topic. 00:49:20.829 --> 00:49:23.229 This is a free service we offer to our community. 00:49:23.639 --> 00:49:26.969 All the presentations are given by licensed mental health professionals. 00:49:26.969 --> 00:49:30.480 It's a great way to learn more about a topic if you've got something that you 00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:34.529 have a group or an organization or your employer would like to hear more about. 00:49:35.290 --> 00:49:39.169 This is our website if you'd like to learn more about the other classes. 00:49:39.220 --> 00:49:43.669 We offer things like mental Health First Aid, question persuade refer, 00:49:43.669 --> 00:49:45.829 which is a suicide prevention training. 00:49:45.829 --> 00:49:49.289 All about how to talk to someone if you're concerned about them. 00:49:49.659 --> 00:49:52.209 Lots of different events, lots of different ways to get connected 00:49:52.209 --> 00:49:53.349 so definitely check us out. 00:49:53.904 --> 00:49:57.234 And this is my contact information here if you'd like to reach out 00:49:57.234 --> 00:49:59.094 to me directly after the program. 00:49:59.194 --> 00:50:00.034 I will pause here. 00:50:00.034 --> 00:50:03.004 I know we're at seven 30, but I'm happy to stay a little bit longer if 00:50:03.004 --> 00:50:07.284 anyone has any questions or feedback or anything they'd like to share. 00:50:11.214 --> 00:50:17.334 Tom: Well, just what's worked for me when I get into a funk, and I'm 00:50:17.334 --> 00:50:22.564 sure other people do this too, is to go back in over your life and 00:50:22.564 --> 00:50:28.474 think of the one, two or three times when you were just happy as can be. 00:50:29.284 --> 00:50:32.374 What was going on in your life at that time? 00:50:32.404 --> 00:50:34.024 Why were you so happy? 00:50:34.414 --> 00:50:35.674 Who was with you? 00:50:36.144 --> 00:50:41.964 What that does in my mind, it reminds you that life is a bunch of hills and valleys. 00:50:41.964 --> 00:50:45.684 And if you're in a valley, remember all of the hills you 00:50:45.684 --> 00:50:47.724 were on top of in years past. 00:50:47.774 --> 00:50:51.704 That allows you to remind yourself that you are a human being and 00:50:51.754 --> 00:50:54.034 we all have these ups and downs. 00:50:54.084 --> 00:50:58.914 I just find that very simple and I try to have a catalog of these 00:50:58.914 --> 00:51:01.194 things that I can think about. 00:51:03.084 --> 00:51:03.714 Amy Miller: Definitely. 00:51:03.774 --> 00:51:06.184 That'd be a good thing to put in that stress management kit. 00:51:06.424 --> 00:51:11.424 Like a little reminder of a great memory that always brings you some happiness. 00:51:11.454 --> 00:51:12.024 I love that. 00:51:12.024 --> 00:51:12.919 Thanks for sharing that, Tom. 00:51:14.664 --> 00:51:16.494 Angie: That's a interesting way to look at it. 00:51:16.494 --> 00:51:22.634 Mine's not too different in that I try to remember that this too shall pass. 00:51:23.624 --> 00:51:23.954 Amy Miller: Yeah. 00:51:24.074 --> 00:51:24.164 Yep. 00:51:24.164 --> 00:51:24.524 Absolutely. 00:51:24.524 --> 00:51:29.954 Angie: That I've been here before and to try to be patient with myself because 00:51:30.004 --> 00:51:36.624 sometimes you just have those phones and sometimes it has to do with weather, the 00:51:36.624 --> 00:51:39.434 time of year, things that have happened. 00:51:39.434 --> 00:51:41.174 You talked about the marshal fire. 00:51:41.174 --> 00:51:45.024 I don't know about anybody else, but in my opinion, that was one of the worst weeks 00:51:45.084 --> 00:51:50.964 that we've had around here in a long time between the fire and the mass shooting. 00:51:51.649 --> 00:51:54.589 It just was a terrible week for everyone. 00:51:54.649 --> 00:51:58.789 Not to mention the victims involved and the families, but it 00:51:58.789 --> 00:52:00.229 just was a very difficult time. 00:52:00.229 --> 00:52:05.099 Then it led into January and for me personally, January is a very 00:52:05.099 --> 00:52:07.019 tough month just for me personally. 00:52:07.074 --> 00:52:10.524 It's the time of year and it's after Christmas and you've had a 00:52:10.524 --> 00:52:16.889 lot of togetherness and then you don't and it's a weather thing. 00:52:16.889 --> 00:52:19.109 That's always a struggle that time of year. 00:52:19.109 --> 00:52:24.409 I just have to remember, my motivation's low and it's a confluence 00:52:24.409 --> 00:52:28.719 of things and I just have to remember, okay, it's going to pass. 00:52:29.709 --> 00:52:31.419 Just gotta move through it. 00:52:31.719 --> 00:52:36.669 Get some exercise, keep going, eat right, get sleep. 00:52:37.159 --> 00:52:40.549 It's kind of the same thing you're talking about Tom, but you just 00:52:40.549 --> 00:52:43.094 gotta remember that it's a trough. 00:52:44.234 --> 00:52:45.074 Move through it. 00:52:45.974 --> 00:52:46.874 Keep going. 00:52:46.964 --> 00:52:48.644 One step in front of the other. 00:52:49.864 --> 00:52:53.874 Amy Miller: Yeah, and have a good time to practice that self-compassion too, right? 00:52:53.874 --> 00:52:53.964 Yeah. 00:52:54.294 --> 00:52:56.814 I think sometimes more of the suffering comes from feeling like, 00:52:56.934 --> 00:52:58.524 oh, why am I feeling like this? 00:52:58.524 --> 00:52:59.664 What am I doing wrong? 00:52:59.664 --> 00:53:01.314 But again, to remember. 00:53:01.344 --> 00:53:01.644 Yep. 00:53:01.704 --> 00:53:05.694 There are natural highs and lows and I'm going to let myself go through this time, 00:53:05.694 --> 00:53:09.369 but I'm going to take care of myself too and remember that this too shall pass. 00:53:09.419 --> 00:53:11.609 I really like that, Angie, thank you for sharing that. 00:53:11.969 --> 00:53:12.209 Angie: Sure. 00:53:15.959 --> 00:53:19.079 I guess the other thing I wanted say is I think your presentation was great. 00:53:19.079 --> 00:53:20.129 I really enjoyed it. 00:53:20.559 --> 00:53:21.849 Covered a lot of things. 00:53:21.849 --> 00:53:24.549 A lot of good food for thought, so I really appreciate it. 00:53:24.609 --> 00:53:25.509 Very well done. 00:53:26.349 --> 00:53:27.339 Thank you so much. 00:53:28.059 --> 00:53:29.169 Amy Miller: It was a pleasure to be here.